“I had a dream about you last night... Well I say dream I mean nightmare... you were a Yankee fan.” — Nicole McKay Copy Share Image
In preschool, I would plan out my show-and-tell every week to be funny and exciting. — Maxim Knight Copy Share Image
Would you have a friend who talks to you the way you talk to yourself? — Callie Khouri Copy Share Image
I never cheat in life. I only make my own rules because cheaters never win in life — MrAwesome Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when teachers call it cheating but students call it teamwork. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Don't call me an alcoholic, they drink everyday, I drink every night, I am a PROFESSIONAL!!! GET IT RIGHT!! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when people start stuff on your Facebook status and you just don't want to get involved. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you. — Adam Ferrara Copy Share Image
You know what?...Huhh!..my c0rn...I never give up that easily...but I know your Cockerel ain't gonna leave to see another day. — Old Roger Copy Share Image
“I'm not sure whether to be relieved she didn't hurt you or diappointed. Now he's going to think he got away with… — Christine Warren Copy Share Image
“If you find yourself suddenly mated to a werewolf, whatever you do, don't panic. Simply turn to Jen for assistance and she… — Quinn Loftis Copy Share Image
Money won't ever make you happy, nor was it ever meant to. Happiness comes from within. Money at best will make you… — James Arthur Ray Copy Share Image
For April Fools Day, I think Facebook should switch the search box and the status update box around. So people would post… — Stephanie Copy Share Image
When I was a kid I used to hate getting picked for team sports. It would be the fit and sporty guys… — Alan Carr Copy Share Image
The Common Law of England has been laboriously built about a mythical figure-the figure of 'The Reasonable Man'. — A. P. Herbert Copy Share Image
We all love the kid who entertains the class by disrespecting the teacher but somehow NEVER gets in trouble. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I'm with my friends I'm funny, but I don't feel like I'm a funny clown — Nora Dunn Copy Share Image
Whoever makes you smarter a little earlier in life makes you better — Charlie Munger Copy Share Image
Without the mind there is no Buddha. Without the Buddha there's no mind. — Bodhidharma Copy Share Image
I see God in the instruments and mechanisms that work reliably. — R. Buckminster Fuller Copy Share Image
Love is within us. It cannot be destroyed, but can only be hidden — Marianne Williamson Copy Share Image
One never goes further than when they do not know where they are going. — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Copy Share Image
Love is like a booger, you pick and pick at it. Then when you get it you wonder how to get rid… — Mae West Copy Share Image
There's something bizarrely funny about a guy who doesn't realise he's, in essence, a dog chasing his own tail. — Brad Anderson Copy Share Image
Men like cars, women like clothes. Women only like cars because they take them to clothes. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
An Airedale can do anything any other dog can do and then whip the other dog if he has to. — Theodore Roosevelt Copy Share Image
You don't know what's on the inside until you put a demand on your potential. — Joel Osteen Copy Share Image
I'm the leader, not a follower. Unless it's a dark place then fuck that shit, you're going first. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Confession. 3.) My Favorite Band Is One Direction But My Favorite SingerIs Ed Sheeran¥ — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A man wears the pants in a relationship but the woman tells the man which pair to put on. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
