A high-brow is someone who looks at a sausage and thinks of Picasso. — A. P. Herbert Copy Share Image
The Englishman never enjoys himself except for a noble purpose. — A. P. Herbert Englishman Copy Share Image
Greenfly, it's difficult to see Why God, who made the rose, made thee. — A. P. Herbert Copy Share Image
Well, fancy giving money to the Government! Might as well have put it down the drain. — A. P. Herbert Business Copy Share Image
An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose. — A. P. Herbert Englishman Copy Share Image
I am sure that the party system is right and necessary. There must be some scum. — A. P. Herbert Copy Share Image
The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be… — A. P. Herbert Anniversary Copy Share Image
aven, I have given up smoking again!... God! I feel fit. Homicidal, but fit. A different man. Irritable, moody, depressed, rude, nervy,… — A. P. Herbert Copy Share Image
This high official, all allow, is grossly overpaid; there wasn't any Board, and now there isn't any Trade. — A. P. Herbert Copy Share Image
A dull speaker, like a plain woman, is credited with all the virtues, for we charitably suppose that a surface so unattractive… — A. P. Herbert Blessing Copy Share Image
The portions of a woman which appeal to man's depravity Are constructed with considerable care. — A. P. Herbert Copy Share Image
The Common Law of England has been laboriously built about a mythical figure-the figure of 'The Reasonable Man'. — A. P. Herbert Copy Share Image
People must not do things for fun. We are not here for fun. There is no reference to fun in any Act… — A. P. Herbert Fun Copy Share Image
As my poor father used to say In 1963, Once people start on all this Art Goodbye, moralitee! And what my father… — A. P. Herbert Art Copy Share Image
My ball is in a bunch of fern, A jolly place to be; An angry man is close astern- He waves his… — A. P. Herbert Alive Copy Share Image
Citizens who take it upon themselves to do unusual actions which attract the attention of the police should be careful to bring… — A. P. Herbert Action Copy Share Image
Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. It is clear that the game of golf… — A. P. Herbert Behaviour Copy Share Image
The whole Constitution has been erected upon the assumption that the King not only is capable of doing wrong but is more… — A. P. Herbert Assumption Copy Share Image
A man who has made up his mind on a given subject twenty-five years ago and continues to hold his political opinions… — A. P. Herbert Copy Share Image
There is no reason why a joke should not be appreciated more than once. Imagine how little good music there would be… — A. P. Herbert Copy Share Image
Well, fancy giving money to the Government! Might as well have put it down the drain. Fancy giving money to the Government!… — A. P. Herbert Copy Share Image
Elderly gentlemen, gentle in all respects, kind to animals, beloved by children, and fond of music, are found in lonely corners of… — A. P. Herbert Animal Copy Share Image
The rain is plentious but, by God's decree, Only a third is meant for you and me; Two-thirds are taken by the… — A. P. Herbert Copy Share Image
“At the Theatre: To the Lady Behind Me Dear Madam, you have seen this play; I never saw it till today. You… — A. P. Herbert Copy Share Image
Don't let's go to the dogs tonight, For mother will be there. — A. P. Herbert Animal Copy Share Image
An act of God was defined as something which no reasonable man could have expected. — A. P. Herbert Copy Share Image
For I must write to The Times tonight, and save the world from sin. — A. P. Herbert Save the world Copy Share Image
The essence of humour is surprise; that is why you laugh when you see a joke in Punch. — A. P. Herbert Comedy Copy Share Image
“Holy Mother we do believe, That without sin Thou didst conceive; May we now in Thee believing, Also sin without conceiving.” — A. P. Herbert Coitus Copy Share Image
Harriet, Hi! Light of my eye! Come to the pictures and have a good cry, For it's jolly old Saturday, Mad-as-a-hatter-day, Nothing-much-matter-day-night! — A. P. Herbert Cry Copy Share Image
