I was attracted to people who were funny because I wanted to be in that world. — Anne Beatts Copy Share Image
Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it. — Tallulah Bankhead Copy Share Image
Don't let a day go by without doing something... no matter how small. — Robert G. Allen Copy Share Image
A lawyer is a gentleman that rescues your estate from your enemies and then keeps it for himself. — Henry Brougham, 1st Baron Brougham and Vaux Copy Share Image
The longer you go by yourself the weirder you get, and the weirder you get the longer you go by yourself. — Jim Shepard Copy Share Image
The day-to-day life we lead has nothing to do with enlightenment. It is just around the corner, and we don't see it. — Frederick Lenz Copy Share Image
“Death is the ultimate vacation: you’re with the stars, you don’t have to pay rent, everyone loves you, and nothing hurts. So,… — Karl Kristian Flores Copy Share Image
“Yes, Roger Ailes, who actually was very funny and who, as far as I know, did not sexually harass anyone during the… — Al Franken Copy Share Image
If I hadn't been told I was garbage, I wouldn't have learned how to show people I'm talented. And if everyone had… — Gabourey Sidibe Copy Share Image
The Washington State Supreme Court on Thursday announced a two-year suspension for a lawyer found having jailhouse sex with a triple murder… — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
You're never going to go. Why would you go? It's a disgusting place. It's always wet even when it's dry. There's nothing… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Before you speak listen, before you write think, Before you quit try, Before you take a SHIT, look at the toilet paper. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If for some reason you are unsure where to go, all you have to do is stand there looking lost, and within… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Those who love not their fellow-beings live unfruitful lives, and prepare for their old age a miserable grave. — Percy Bysshe Shelley Copy Share Image
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The only thing worse than a loser is someone who won't admit he played badly. — Kevin Spacey Copy Share Image
Congratulations on finally wearing a tassel on something other than your nipples. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My father used to beat me with his belt...while it was still on him. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
You say I'm dirty minded... but how did you understand what I meant? — Nishan Panwar Copy Share Image
I just recently became aware of how tenuous my life is. I don't have time for fear. — Mike Phillips Copy Share Image
I enjoyed working at RKO more than at MGM. At RKO the parts were better! — Laraine Day Copy Share Image
Now, the magic of British parks at night, as Bill Oddie presents.. Gaywatch. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
There are a lot of books showing on how to live longer, but none on why. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
Who am I? What will I be? Why am I here? Where am I going? — Constantin Stanislavski Copy Share Image
I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all of my missing socks. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Its not the next day until I go to sleep and wake up , unless its my b day or Christmas. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You know the other person is bored of texting when they say 'lol' when you weren't being funny. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It’s simply doing what you’re supposed to do as well as you can when you’re supposed to do it. — Mike Krzyzewski Copy Share Image
