“I had a dream about you last night... You tried to propose with a digital ceramic heater.” — Amy Summers Copy Share Image
Some may say that I couldn't sing, but no one can say that I didn't sing. — Florence Foster Jenkins Copy Share Image
“Annabeth dies, trying to keep her boyfriend, the Son of Poseidon, from drowning.” — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
Diapers And Politicians Should Be Changed Often Both For The Same Reason. Makes Perfect Sense. — Pacifiersucker Copy Share Image
Happy Mother's Day to someone whom I'm even more dependent on now than when I was in utero. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Besides, my drinking blood's not nearly as weird as that time I caught you shaving your legs." "I was curious!” — Molly Harper Copy Share Image
Roses are red, Violets are blue, a face like yours belongs in a zoo, but don't be mad, I'll be there to,… — Author Name Copy Share Image
Who says that times are changing with time. In childhood, My parents were teaching me that speak to lie is sin. And… — Mak_786 Copy Share Image
I think Chris Rock at the Oscars was a great example. I thought that was intellectually hilarious. The Gap starts a war… — Christopher Meloni Copy Share Image
I'm going to be cremated from the neck down. And at my funeral, when people are talking about me, they have to… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
“No going back now,' Cassian said to Rhys, gesturing to his wings. Rhys slid his hands into his pockets. 'I figure it's… — Sarah J. Maas Copy Share Image
“Coincidentally, a good age for a Japanese girl is younger than twenty five, because that's when she turns into a 'Christmas Cake'.… — Andrew Davidson Copy Share Image
Being addicted to texting someone.. Then they suddenly stop texting back, & you find yourself checking your phone constantly. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The day I am afraid to do, that is the day I am no longer fit to lead. — Nelson Mandela Copy Share Image
He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm actually a thin serious person but I play fat and funny, but only for the movies. — Dom DeLuise Copy Share Image
“What's a wingding? Why, a wingding is, uh...it's just like a shindig but without all the hullabaloo.” — Cuthbert Soup Copy Share Image
The closest thing you will ever come to a brain storm is a light drizzle. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Some people treat God like they do a lawyer; they go to Him only when they are in trouble. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
I hate when I'm about to hug someone really sexy and then my face hits the mirror. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's hard for a man to turn down sex... if they chase us, we can't run that fast. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
“I will call bullshit on that so many times that the word bullshit will lose all meaning. -Milo” — Cora Carmack Copy Share Image
Given that evolution is a fact, this lack of evolution needs to be explained. — J. William Schopf Copy Share Image
I just find all that stuff incredibly funny. I love a fart. I'd do anything for a good poo story. — Phoebe Waller-Bridge Copy Share Image
If you tell your friends you're pregnant & they say by who. The you're a hoe — Amit Verma Copy Share Image
It's so funny how the people that know the least about you, have the most to say. — Uknown Copy Share Image
To me drink is my best friend cuz its allways there when I'm feeling down — Dan The Man Copy Share Image
I am a comedian. You may or may not find me funny, but the fact remains, that I am a comedian. — Sarah Millican Copy Share Image
You, you, and you...panic. The rest of you, come with me. — US Marine Corps Gunnery Sgt Copy Share Image
