Funny Quotes · Page 561

I'm not saying she's a slut, but if her vagina was a video game it would be rated E for Everyone.

— Anonymous

Dear and dearest Vegetarians, if you want animals to live, why do you eat their food.

— Babloo

I've met many thinkers and many cats, but the wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.

— Hippolyte Taine

It's not easy being me. But it sure is funny watching people try!

— Ritu Ghatourey

Happy Bastille Day to someone still stuck in a monarchy.

— Anonymous

The author is the successor of the saint, everyone respects the author.

— Roberto Calasso

Money is not everything, but it is better than having one's health.

— Woody Allen

I don't get why gyms have mirrors...I know what I look like. That's why I'm there.

— Anonymous

I'm not a racist. It's really case by case; it's not ethnicity specific. It's just the way I react to things that…

— Marc Maron

It's funny because when you're a Welshman living in England, you always get the mickey taken out of you for being Welsh,…

— Gwilym Lee

I walked into the local library and asked the librarian do you've any books on the meaning of life? And she said…

— Jeremy Limn

People who are pro smacking children say, 'It's the only language they understand.' You could apply that to tourists.

— Jack Dee

I think the pants is more important for men than a wife. There are many places where you can safely go without…

— Shubham Joshi

The more confidence you have in yourself and the more you believe that you are destined to do what you are gonna…

— Michelle Rodriguez

Tbh my boyfriend is the best person ever like hes omg and i just hes perfection the way he meows, the way…

— Anonymous

Remember when we was young, everybody used to have these arguments about who's better, Michael Jackson or Prince? Prince won!

— Chris Rock

Me; what if I get kidnapped?! Mom: trust me... theyd bring youback.

— Anonymous

I watch mostly documentaries and things that aren't remotely funny.

— Christopher Guest

Of all knowledge the wise and good seek most to know themselves.

— William Shakespeare

Females will argue with you for 30mins , then be like I ain't even gonna argue with you.

— Amit Verma

I wish we could ctrl...alt...delete parts of life we don't particularly like.

— Green Monk

THOUGHT ABOUT QUITTING.. THEN I NOTICE WHO WAS WATCHING.

— Ritu Ghatourey

Well, social media is a funny thing. It can be absolutely wonderful, and it can absolutely work against you.

— Karrion Kross

Nothing is necessary except God, and nothing is less necessary than pain.

— Joseph de Maistre

That we devote ourselves to God, is seen In living just as though no God there were.

— Robert Browning

I snuck a bunch of booze into work today, using my stomach.

— Orebela Gbenga

“There is nobody as hopelessly vulgar as a British aristocrat...”

— Charles Finch

Saying, 'DUUDE...' before saying something important to a friend.

— Anonymous

They say you can't do it, but sometimes it doesn't always work.

— Casey Stengel

“He spun out enough toilet paper to vandalize a house and carefully cleaned the seat.”

— Adam Rex

Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

— Anonymous

I hate when a shower only has 2 options. 3rd degree burns or skinny dipping in Antarctica.

— Xuan Ta

It is not possible to make a bad law. If is is bad, it is not a law.

— Carrie Nation

There are truths of which I have an inkling, but of most I have only a pencilling

— Robert Breault

You can always rely on a society of equals taking it out on the women.

— Alan Sillitoe

You only learn to be a better writer by actually writing.

— Doris Lessing

Before you can make disciples, you gotta make sure you are one.

— Tom Nelson

Experience is a funny thing. You dont always have it when you need it.

— Patrick Chan

Things to do today: 1. Get up 2. Survive 3. Go back to bed

— Kollkid

ONE loyal girl is worth way more than over a HUNDRED hoes.

— Anonymous