I'm known for taking pictures very close, and the older I get, the closer I get. — Bruce Gilden Copy Share Image
No man is the boss of his own house, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
FORGIVING AND ALL THAT CUTE SAPPY I LOVE YOU AND I WON'T EVER HURT YOU LIKE EVER ONLY HAPPENS IN MOVieS FUCK — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I have always been very fond of them (drama critics) . . . I think it is so frightfully clever of them… — Noel Coward Copy Share Image
I have a Sharpie. I love Sharpies. You know what they say on them? Not for letter writing. That sucks. Now I… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“A totally nondenominational prayer: Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care what I say, I… — Roger Zelazny Copy Share Image
You know, I've always thought that it would be really funny if somebody made a romantic comedy where absolutely everything went well… — Fiona Apple Copy Share Image
Look at the limes in this drink, how they float. That's good news. Next time I'm on a boat, and it capsizes,… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
When I was a kid Pussy meant a Cat,Sex meant Gender,Bitch was a female dog, Dick was a name of a cartoon… — Aashi Copy Share Image
Kissing on screen is just - funny enough, you're just acting, so you're distracted by that more than anything. Or at least… — Dylan O'Brien Copy Share Image
When Dad died in 1998, it really hit my confidence - he'd helped me write and he thought I was really funny,… — Dolly Wells Copy Share Image
My boyfriend Told Me If I Bought Him One More Stupid Gift he Would Burn It So I Bought him A Candle… — Curly_girl Copy Share Image
I think attractive cops should make it clear they are not strippers sent by your buddies before they tase me. — Danny Zuker Copy Share Image
I've wiped the file? … I've wiped all the files? … I've wiped the INTERNET? I don't even have a modem! — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
If you don't follow the stock market, you are missing some amazing drama. — Mark Cuban Copy Share Image
With your faults, dont hurry. Dont correct them thoughtlessly. What would you put in their place? — Henri Michaux Copy Share Image
Jon Stewart hires people that he thinks are funny. That's it. That's the only requirement. — Olivia Munn Copy Share Image
Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald". — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
BRB- I dont want to talk to you. LOL- I have nothing else to say. COOL- I dont care — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“It’s funny how what you’re used to seems like it’s right even if it’s bad.” — Lisa Wingate Copy Share Image
I see no women out here, and you're chanting about a male organ, now tell me who's the fruit booty? — John Layfield Copy Share Image
Not to brag but I'm so good that I can make women scream before sex. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Wouldnt it be nice if the world was flat? That way we could just push off the people we dont like. — Jeremy G Copy Share Image
Come on, Chris. It'll be just you, me, and the great, wide open over here. — Triple H Copy Share Image
Has there ever been a visitor to Ludlow who hasn't wished they lived there? — Jeremy Paxman Copy Share Image
He said to Jacob, "Let me eat some of that red stuff, because I'm exhausted." — Genesis 25:30 Copy Share Image
What a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven't even happened yet. — Anne Frank Copy Share Image
A lot of women don't like to give blow jobs. On a related note: A lot of marriages fail. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Girls have unique powers; they get wet without water, bleed without injury and make boneless things hard .. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A difficult situation, not for one individual, but for everybody — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
It's hard for me to say I love you because the word you isn't beer or sex or football. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
