I can take the mick out of myself so whatever anyone has got to say about me I still find it funny. — Gemma Collins Copy Share Image
Microsoft bought Skype for 8,5 billions!.. what a bunch of idiots! I downloaded it for free! — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
... you must not expect to find that people understand what they do. — John Steinbeck Copy Share Image
Do not cry for those who hurt you, this way you're making them successful, smile and be the winner. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers. — Socrates Copy Share Image
This nation is so friendly that the leading cause of injury is getting passionately embraced by strangers. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Congratulations you're 18!... On a list of 20 people I'm going to kill. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake? This is commonly misquotes as You can't have you're cake and eat… — John Heywood Copy Share Image
“No, Roger had not seen the funny side. But there had been a moment when, after looking at his watch, he had… — John Lanchester Copy Share Image
There are hidden contradictions in the minds of people who "love Nature" while deploring the "artificialities" with which "Man has spoiled Nature.'"… — Robert A. Heinlein Copy Share Image
I'm not just a singer of funny songs; I am basically, first and foremost, a musician. I'm always recording all styles of… — Ray Stevens Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you last night.. You thought you were a candy vampire, you were standing in the sun screaming… — Nicole McKay Copy Share Image
Anyone who thinks they can write the perfect comedy that everyone will love is a fool. I can only write what I… — Brendan O'Carroll Copy Share Image
You know, it's funny because I try not to talk crap but for some reason when I start talking crap, my game… — Ovince Saint Preux Copy Share Image
On the way up here to the podium, a gentleman came up to me and said, "Governor, you are as good a… — Arnold Schwarzenegger Copy Share Image
The state of life is most happy where superfluities are not required and necessities are not wanting. — Plutarch Copy Share Image
I normally don't do interviews with women unless I fornicate with them. — Mike Tyson Copy Share Image
If you dont drink, then all of your stories suck and end with, And then I got home... — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
I really like my life. I've arranged my life so that I can do what I want. — Warren Buffett Copy Share Image
They say money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a shitload of beer and tacos and that's close enough. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Maturity does not always come with age; sometimes age comes alone. — John C. Maxwell Copy Share Image
I had my palm read. I wrote something on it first to see if she would read that too. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Everything we do is infused with the energy with which we do it... — Marianne Williamson Copy Share Image
The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!" — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
When I go into the studio, I'm strictly for business... I don't like any fooling around in the studio. — Otis Redding Copy Share Image
Now don't get me wrong, I love animals, but I like eatin' 'em more... fun to pet, better to chew. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“Katie purred in pleasure as she licked the beating vein in Jared’s neck.” — Jodie B. Cooper Copy Share Image
Just finished deleting some friends on Facebook, if you can read this then you got lucky. — Nate Copy Share Image
It's better to go slowly in the right direction than go speeding off in the wrong direction. — Simon Sinek Copy Share Image
Most copywriters are like engines. They take a while to warm up to get to the point. — Drayton Bird Copy Share Image
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wish I remotely made enough money from my labor to afford a Labor Day vacation. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Right now is a great time to be a woman in tech, but there's not enough women in tech, — Marissa Mayer Copy Share Image
