The trick is to not let people know how really weird you are until it's too late for them to back out — Christine Copy Share Image
You can't truly rest until every area in your life rests in God. — Aiden Wilson Tozer Copy Share Image
Scrolling down your inbox and remembering each memory in every text message. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You can't make someone else's choices. You shouldn't let someone else make yours. — Colin Powell Copy Share Image
When you have something that close to you, you want to make sure that you're aware of it. — Lucy Liu Copy Share Image
Police arrested 2 youths yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one & let the other off. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When a wicked and unworthy subject annoyed the Sultan of Turkey or the Czar of Russia, he had his head cut of… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
I did turn down 'The Virgin Suicides.' I talked to the producers about it, and I just honestly told them that I… — Terry Zwigoff Copy Share Image
Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don't know what they want until they… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I come from a background that, when I win, people try to put me down, and when I lose, people try to… — Lance Stroll Copy Share Image
Everything you do, burns calories. Getting up in the morning, 100 calories; kicking the hooker out of your bed, another 100; diapering… — Dave Attell Copy Share Image
I don't want to come across the wrong way, which is hard when being funny or sarcastic at times, but I also… — Toni Garrn Copy Share Image
“Ah college years, those were the days. Pure freedom ... leaving home for the first time…the parties…” "What about the tutorials, the… — E.A. Bucchianeri Copy Share Image
With so many girls pregnant at school, condoms should be on the supply list. — Pretty Ladii Copy Share Image
“The cybernetic operation?" "No, the sex change." The doctor's smile faltered. "I'm joking.” — Marissa Meyer Copy Share Image
AMNESIA: A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labour to have sex again. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
What is really momentous and all-important with us is the present, by which the future is shaped and colored. — John Greenleaf Whittier Copy Share Image
Agreeable as it is to know where one is proceeding, it is far more important to know where one has arrived. — John Kenneth Galbraith Copy Share Image
Volleyball is just a more intense version of 'Don't let the balloon touch the floor.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Letting your phone ring a few times before answering so you seem busy. *Hahaha this is so me..* — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I admit to spending a fortune on women, booze and gambling... the rest I spend foolishly. — Chic Murray Copy Share Image
You know I only go to church for two reasons, weddings and funerals, which one we gonna have today? — Madea Copy Share Image
Men look at breasts the way women look at babies. 'Aw, isn't that lovely?' — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
A nonsense chat makes sense when you are talking with someone special, — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Milk, Milk, Lemonade, Around the corner fudge is made!!!!!!!!! — Peter Griffin Family Guy Copy Share Image
“And a beautiful garden, not far from a beautiful lake, and I said it sounded perfectly perfect.” — Vladimir Nabokov Copy Share Image
Muhammad Ali: Superman Don't need no seat belt. Flight Attendant: Superman Don't need no airplane, either. — Clifton Fadiman Copy Share Image
