Funny Quotes · Page 504

Many people dying from natural causes. Forget Aids and Cancer, we need a cure for natural causes.

— Green Monk

There isn't a lot I can do on this planet, but I can be funny.

— Leslie Jordan

If you read love quotes, either it will hit you or you will remember someone

— Anonymous

Don't Take It Seriously * When the DENTIST says, Open wide.

— Nikhil Saluja

“Seize something wonderful; don't lose your chance waiting for it to become legal.”

— Bauvard

Argue for your limitations and, sure enough, theyre yours.

— Anonymous

The reason I'm writing funny books is that I wish there were more.

— Christopher Moore

HUSBAND, SMART, One who thinks twice before saying nothing;

— Nikhil Saluja

“Personally, if I were trying to discourage people from smoking, my sign would be a little different. In fact, I might even…

— George Carlin

Don't you just hate it, when you are in bed with three beautiful women, and the least attractive one whispers: save it…

— Jim Carrey

I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone…

— Demetri Martin

“Well, more or less, you just got struck by lightning." "Wait, what?" My brain stopped processing for a prolonged moment unable to…

— Elizabeth Sharp

“Merrill Krause - "My brothers have scared off just about any fellow who showed interest in getting to know me." Granny Lassiter…

— Tracie Peterson

Dear iPhone, I have typed hahaha like a million times, yet you continually give me hagaha, bahaha, gagaha... I hate you.

— Ritu Ghatourey

The 3 most difficult things to do in life. 1) Count your hair 2) You can't wash your eyes with soap 3)…

— Anonymous

Regha called this life's like an ice cream, so quickly melt than freeze, if it runs out, we can buy again. But…

— F's

We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought.

— Bobby Robson

Some People Just Need A High-Five . . . . . In A Face With A Chair -,-

— Anonymous

I don't look for [comedic moments] actually, I just live my life.

— Gerry Dee

If you don't stand for something, you stand for nothing.

— Mel Thompson

I don't believe in reincarnation, and I didn't believe in it when I was a hamster.

— Shane Richie

I was never coached; I was never told how to hold a bat.

— Donald Bradman

I’ve never considered joining Twitter, nor do I know why anybody would.

— Nick Saban

Probably the most dangerous and powerful industrialist of our age. [About Bill Gates]

— Scott McNealy

Alright I Just Got Back So What Do You Guys Wanna Do? Game? Quotes? Outfits? Pictures?

— Anonymous

I don't get a chance to be funny on camera as often as I would like.

— William Sadler

The absurd has meaning only in so far as it is not agreed to.

— Albert Camus

“I believe great things are ahead for each of us. Now we just have to go ahead and create them.”

— Tom Althouse

Parents: you do realize one day you will have to pay for all your own things me: yes but today is not…

— Rajat Dogra

The soldiers of Saddam Hussein have given them a lesson they will never forget

— Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

YEAH I STUDIED. Then I forgot everything when I saw the paper.

— Anonymous

And any man who knows a thing, knows he knows not a damn, damn thing at all...

— K'naan

Where God is at the center of things, worship inevitably follows.

— Sinclair B. Ferguson

“A robber? In the trash bins? Honestly, Wes. This is Salem Falls, not the set of Law and Order.”

— Jodi Picoult

The only English words I saw in Japan were Sony and Mitsubishi

— Hussein Nishah

Faith is led confidently to expect what reason would never suggest.

— Charles Spurgeon

Sin is much more than doing the wrong thing. It begins withloving, worshiping, and serving the wrong thing.

— Paul David Tripp

I just wanna throw my phone away and find out who is really there for me

— Katy Perry

With all things in life, we do not get what we ask for, we get what we expect.

— Iyanla Vanzant

I’m actually pale blue: it takes me a week of sunbathing to turn white.

— Billy Connolly