That’s the funny thing about knowing you can’t have something. It makes you desperate. -Leah — Stephenie Meyer Copy Share Image
I'm really good at keeping secrets because five minutes later I forget what you told me because I don't care. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I have often thought that when I do die it will be of sheer boredom... — Christopher Hitchens Copy Share Image
The brilliance of Adam Scott is that he is so damn funny in a straight man role. — Rob Thomas Copy Share Image
A lot of actors talk about doing their homework, but very few of them do it. — Tony Scott Copy Share Image
It's a funny habit to write encyclopedia entries. It's not a mass taste. — Sue Gardner Copy Share Image
Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids.… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
When I'm stalking my exes on Facebook, sometimes I think, 'I should have never let her go.'...but most times I think, 'She… — Rudy Espinoza Copy Share Image
“I giggle a little at that, then firmly cut it out. No giggling. He is not funny. He is stupid and hypocritical,… — Leah Rae Miller Copy Share Image
Son: Dad, What's Between Mom's Legs ? Dad: Paradise. Son: What's Between Your Legs ? Dad: The Key For Paradise. Son: Piece… — Ali Bassam Copy Share Image
“You know, it’s crazy what a little perspective can do to your life. For example…cotton candy is not as great as everyone… — Finn Eccleston Copy Share Image
I think disability is the last bastion of political correctness, and people need to see that disabled people are funny. You know,… — Liz Carr Copy Share Image
Dear Santa, ( ) I've been good all year. ( ) Ok most of the time. ( ) Once in a while.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When you start explaining why something's funny or finding a formula for it I think it loses some of its funniness. — Betty White Copy Share Image
I like doing a funny show where I don't have to act and fall in love with a girl. — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
The future isn't something hidden in a corner.The future is something we build in the present. — Paulo Freire Copy Share Image
I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
Hearing yourself sing in the shower and wondering why the fuckk you haven't made an album yet. — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
People always say, ah, Kansas City is like this breeding ground for funny people. — Heidi Gardner Copy Share Image
Eggs! They're not a food, they belong in no group! They're just farts clothed in substance! — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
“Smiles are a funny thing and laughter is hilarious. I smile sometimes when I am delirious.” — Casey Renee Kiser Copy Share Image
Seeing those two people who no one expected to be together dating, and them being the cutest couple ever. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“We're like the couple on the sitcom that has good sparks but never get together for the sake of ratings.” — Aimee Bender Copy Share Image
Who says love is bad...just like cake, I would say it's the best I've ever had! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Parthenogenesis means never having your mother tell you to stop doing that or you'll go blind.” — Seanan McGuire Copy Share Image
You know its going to be a great story when it starts off with, So this BITCH... — Amit Verma Copy Share Image
Incredible to think isn't it, that every single Scotsman, started off as a scotch egg. Old and gingery. — Milton Jones Copy Share Image
Ladies, As long as you're good looking & decent in bed, you can act as crazy as you want. We men won't care. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno! — Dave Attell Copy Share Image
May your bachelorette party be so fun that you don't notice how annoyed the rest of the bar is. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
