I had a paper route when I was a kid. I was supposed to go to 2,000 houses. Or two dumpsters. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“A drunken but exceedingly depressed German clown from Munich entertained the public.” — Fyodor Dostoyevsky Copy Share Image
When I'm not in a relationship, I shave one leg. That way, when I sleep, it feels like I'm with a woman. — Garry Shandling Copy Share Image
Happiness comes out of contentment, and contentment always comes out of service. — Harbhajan Singh Copy Share Image
I m not flirting. Im just being extra nice to someone who is extra attractive... — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
The Japanese tend to be far more co-operative and docile and group-oriented. It would be easier to get the entire population of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I wanted to make it really special on Valentine's Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours I… — Tracy Smith Copy Share Image
When you're in @#*!#-ing hell, your forehead can feel a wee bit feverish. (By the way, that's the way my wife actually… — Paul Reiser Copy Share Image
“You can call me Pastor-and before Mr. Sox Fan gets his panties in a wad, I want everyone to know I'm legit.… — J.R. Ward Copy Share Image
I have a friend who is a juggler. If I'm at his house, I don't like to take food from him, if… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“I was of course discussing the book of Leviticus. I don't know why your mind is so filthy these days, Bingley. ” — Marsha Altman Copy Share Image
“Alec shrugged "Look who's talking. 'Oh, I love her. Oh, she's my sister. Oh why,why,why--" Jace threw a handful of dead leaves… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
It is funny now, but in the beginning of my career, some of the films failed at the box office, and filmmakers… — Taapsee Pannu Copy Share Image
