The summer heat has made me exhausted from trying to dress as slutty as everyone else. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sometimes a lady wants to be woken up with a face between her legs... — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer. — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
There is nothing like the local church when the local church is working right. — Bill Hybels Copy Share Image
“I simply regard romantic comedies as a subgenre of sci-fi, in which the world created therein has different rules than my regular… — Mindy Kaling Copy Share Image
You make me laugh at things that aren't funny. You make me smile without actually being here. You make my stomach flip… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I actually think of being funny as an odd turn of mind, like a mild disability, some weird way of looking at… — Calvin Trillin Copy Share Image
I had a client who just wanted to entertain me the whole time, that is a defense against going deep, in my… — Kelly Carlin-McCall Copy Share Image
“Little Red, Little Red, what's in the chip bag, Little Red?" And in the same singsong voice I answered, "Nothing at all,… — Neal Shusterman Copy Share Image
I guess we were kinda poor when we were kids, but we didn't know it. That's because my dad always refused to… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
“And I decided to play the hero. See how it felt. To try." "And?" she asks. "I didn't like it," he admits.… — Holly Black Copy Share Image
No one has ever come back from the other world. I can't console you, but one thing I can tell you, as… — Albert Schweitzer Copy Share Image
