When Guante started, they thought he'd be like popcorn, one of the most popular things around. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time¦theyre gone. — Yo Yo Copy Share Image
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
They played a Chris Brown marathon on the radio station today. It was hit after hit. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Laughing together heartily at the same thing forms an instant bond. — Liz Curtis Higgs Copy Share Image
“Jim said he believed it was spirits, but I says: no, spirits wouldn't say "dern the dern fog".” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out,… — Larry David Copy Share Image
“How did you get into the castle, Alexandre, son of Gilles Smith?” Sand shrugged. “A saint kidnapped me from his shrine and… — Merrie Haskell Copy Share Image
I don't buy the thing that you can't do satire in the age of Trump. You just have to be funny and… — Jesse Armstrong Copy Share Image
I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
In L.A relationships don't last. You go on a vacation and break up by the time you come home. Thank God for… — Judy Carter Copy Share Image
The world's a better place, because of folk like you. Who take the time to do nice things, the way you always… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I like making fun of myself a lot. I like being made fun of, too. I've always enjoyed it. There's just something… — John Mulaney Copy Share Image
RAWR does NOT mean I love you in dinosaur. Did you ever see Jurassic Park? It means I'm gonna fuckin eat your… — Brittany Copy Share Image
