My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person... so I can get a better girlfriend. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I’ve actually been in a lot of movies that involve sucking on fingers. — Dane DeHaan Copy Share Image
Are the things around you helping you toward success, or are they holding you back? — W. Clement Stone Copy Share Image
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“That much sexual tension makes me want to hump a phone pole, and that’s just not attractive in a pregnant woman.” — Amy Lane Copy Share Image
The average American may not know who his grandfather was. But the American was, however, one degree better off than the average… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Nick snatches the picture from the man's hand and laughs. "This is funny to you, asshole?" Nick tosses the picture back behind… — Jennifer Loren Copy Share Image
A lot of amazing comedians that I've worked with just really follow their instincts and you can't really teach someone comedic timing.… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
A hilarious academic novel that'll send you laughing (albeit ruefully) back into the trenches of the classroom. . . . [A] mordant… — Maureen Corrigan Copy Share Image
“WAIT, WAIT! JUST one more!” “Bliss, there are children waiting.” And they probably hated us, but I was just so glad to… — Cora Carmack Copy Share Image
I was inspired by comedy channels. I loved that they got to do sketches and could be funny and crude and make… — Eva Gutowski Copy Share Image
TV is easier: it's all planned out for you, and the audience is there to see a show and they are all… — Drew Carey Copy Share Image
![“A hilarious academic novel that'll send you laughing (albeit ruefully) back into the trenches of the classroom. . . . [A] mordant minor masterpiece. . . . Like the best works of farce, academic or otherwise, Dear Committee Members deftly mixes comedy with social criticism and righteous outrage. By…” quote by Maureen Corrigan](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/b4e/maureen-corrigan-30260_academic_a-hilarious-academic-novel-that-ll-send_1173622.png)
