Beware of harking back to what you once were when God wants you to be something you have never been. — Oswald Chambers Copy Share Image
It's funny how much of the 'old times' are still rooted in modern America. — Dave Myers Copy Share Image
My girlfriend told me I'm awful in bed. I don't know how she can tell in 30 seconds. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Math: The only place where a person can buy 80 watermelons without anyone thinking they're a weirdo. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you new to a school and everyone stares at you — Jawon Stewwert Copy Share Image
I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I had a cordial relationship with all my heroes - some, like Jeetendra or Shatrughan Sinha, are very funny. Amitabh, on the… — Hema Malini Copy Share Image
I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one. — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
'Playing House' works because we're being supremely honest to what we think is funny and not what we think other people think… — Lennon Parham Copy Share Image
Our fan of the week is... Daisy Alejandra! Congratulations í. To get picked as our next fan of the week, post on… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“The more you talk about it, rehash it, rethink it, cross analyze it, debate it, respond to it, get paranoid about it,… — Shannon L. Alder Copy Share Image
“Am I higher or lower than she? It was always the vital question for Anna: who was superior, and how she could… — Laura L. Sullivan Copy Share Image
I thought to myself, 'why not write a bestseller?' In the first place, more people buy them and more people read them.… — George Burns Copy Share Image
Well, I hope before Glenn goes, he'll come up here so we can give him a big hug and a kiss, because… — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
