Funny Quotes · Page 460

She used to be a teacher but she has no class now.

— Fred Allen

Alas! sorrow from happiness is oft evolved.

— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I was once arrested for resisting arrest.

— Steven Wright

Bring down the curtain, the farce is over

— Francois Rabelais

Funny how I want to skip class in order to study.

— Anonymous

Success is about having. Excellence is about Being!

— Mike Ditka

My drinking team has a bowling problem!

— Keith Bucholtz

You can arrest me, but you can't arrest my ideas.

— Julius Malema

The word Fascism has now no meaning except in so far as it signifies 'something not desirable.'

— George Orwell

“Wonderful. I'm stranded with the least creative Ramblers.”

— M.L. LeGette

His rod revers'd, And backward mutters of dissevering power.

— John Milton

I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.

— Larry David

I like being silly, I like being funny, I'm a child at heart really.

— Anonymous

I tried to freshen up a room, so I held a Certs in front of a fan.

— Mitch Hedberg

The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money.

— David Richerby

It's funny how most people love the dead, once you're dead, you're made for life.

— Jimi Hendrix

“It goes without saying that even those of us who are going to hell will get eternal life—if that territory really exists…

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“But we left camp after a while and we was driving in a real spooky place cause all the roads up near…

— Timothy Victor Richardson

The funny thing about children is that, whichever room we're in, that's where they'll be. If I'm in the bath, they'll want…

— Keeley Hawes

A lot of female comedians will go up there in a sweatshirt and Converses, trying to dress themselves down, because it is…

— Carly Craig

It's funny because unlike back in the seventies when I made hardly any money, today I could just live off the past…

— Mick Rock

Sometimes people get mad at The Simpsons' subversive story telling, but there's another message in there, which is a celebration of making…

— Matt Groening

“Zeb was kindergarten teacher--a good one. I always thought it was because he was the same emotional age as his students.”

— Molly Harper

“I had a dream about you last night. The champagne was non-alcoholic. You didn't notice, and laughed at my jokes anyway.”

— Michael Summers

Damn the rules, it's the feeling that counts.

— John Coltrane

I am not myself; I am the potential of myself.

— Anna Deavere Smith

You Call This One And It's All Over, Baby!

— Scotty Nguyen

Death, like the sun, cannot be looked at steadily.

— Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Nature will castigate those who don't masticate.

— Horace Fletcher

When in doubt, tell yourself the truth.

— Seth Godin

I desire to know wherefore I am banished?

— Anne Hutchinson

Fold and live to fold again.

— Stu Ungar

I lost her at stop telling me about your funny tweets

— Nikhil Saluja

Give yourself time just to be with yourself.

— Maya Angelou

Obsess about customers, not competitors.

— Jeff Bezos

[N]ever stop being yourself.

— Anonymous

If I think something's funny, I think it's funny.

— Ray Liotta

Fatherhood didnt change me in the beginning very much.

— Tom Sizemore

You managed not to get eaten then?

— Prince Philip

Who can do anything after Beethoven?

— Franz Schubert