Meredith Baxter Birney gets beaten by a rod, in the Lifetime Original, Rod. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I never thought I'd live this long. It sounds funny because I still think of myself as a kid. — Larry Dixon Copy Share Image
If I didn't go into comedy... maybe I would've been a funny meter reader. — Nate Bargatze Copy Share Image
“And honestly, given the choice of facing my mother or a vampire, I think I'd always choose the latter.” — Krystle Jones Copy Share Image
NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong. GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then… — George Bernard Shaw Copy Share Image
“Holly's forgiven you?" "Almost mostly. But she still gives me slack about it when she's sick. I take it as a husbandly… — Kresley Cole Copy Share Image
Love is the jelly to sunshines peanut butter. And if I tell you that Im in sandwich with you, Im not just… — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
Yesterday, I came home early from work and found my Girlfriend cheating. The lazy bitch has hired a maid for cooking. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I don't like the beach. I think we have no business at the beach at all, as a species. We don't belong… — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
It is not every day that a pop superstar gets involved with terrorism as a victim, so the press takes advantage of… — Demis Roussos Copy Share Image
A Boy Went To Girl N Said I Want To Click Ur's Photo . . Girl Ask What, Why ? Boy Replied… — Chirag Jain Copy Share Image
So OK, it's your special big Four-O birthday But don't expect me to be obsequious and fawning You, being you, can't possibly… — John Walter Bratton Copy Share Image
