Sometimes I want to sit on my right hand so it feels like someone else is stopping me from masturbating. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The rarest sight in the world is a woman who is happy with photographs of herself. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee. — Milton Jones Copy Share Image
If those who talk ill about me really know what I'm think about them they maybe talk twice more — Sacha Guitry Copy Share Image
You can find out how to do something and then do it or do something and then find out what you did. — Isamu Noguchi Copy Share Image
I'm not saying my ex-girlfriend is a slut I am just saying if everyone's cock had wings she'd be a airport. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
'Hey can I borrow a pencil?' 'Yeah but it doesn't have an eraser.' 'Life doesn't have an eraser.' 'That was deep man...' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There are teams that are fair-haired, and those that aren't so fair-haired. Some teams are named Smith, some Grabowski. We're Grabowskis! — Mike Ditka Copy Share Image
WELCOME TO THE 21ST CENTURY! Our phones ~ wireless! Cooking ~ fireless! Cars ~ keyless! Food ~ fatless! Dress ~ sleeveless !… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it to do over… — David Finkelstein Copy Share Image
It's funny. I'm 48, but I'm not - in the sense that I still feel as fresh as a 17-year-old entering into… — Bebe Buell Copy Share Image
“I squinted at her. “You’re an adult.” “You’re an adult too.” “But you’re an older adult. You’ve had more practice.” Mom leaned… — Ilona Andrews Copy Share Image
If you play comedic scenes like they're really serious, then it's so much more funny than if you're going for a laugh. — Patton Oswalt Copy Share Image
Before, I guess, mum and dad were everything, but now, in my case, I had two new girls and all of a… — Roger Federer Copy Share Image
