Funny Quotes · Page 416

I was unfashionable before anyone knew who I was.

— Paul Desmond

Do yourself what you wish others to do.

— Ramakrishna

Doctors didn't know what to do with me.

— Darrell Hammond

Move too quickly and time will pass you by.

— Al Barry

Throw dirt on me, and grow a wildflower…

— Live_Skate_Smoke

Adulterate: Full price at the movies

— Nikhil Saluja

There is no best anything in art.

— Jeff Daniels

Make others happy, and you will be happy yourself.

— Lorenzo Snow

I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I honestly thought you already knew.

— Ritu Ghatourey

Or if Virtue feeble were, Heav'n itself would stoop to her.

— John Milton

Im not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in the way.

— Anonymous

Parents catch you masturbating? Stare straight at em and finish like a boss!

— Anonymous

I think I can be a rapper, I'm good at rhymes.. cat, bat, fat, hat, chat…

— Anonymous

But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!

— Homer

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

— Groucho Marx

All the good guys are always taken. They are either Gay Married Or their Girlfriend is a total Wacko.

— Rachel Copeland

“I had to admit it was adorable. You know, in a unicorns-farting-out-rainbows kind of way that made me want to hurl.”

— Gemma Halliday

I been seeing newspapers every Sunday morning, white dudes be in there in their drawers, never having no bulge in they drawers.…

— Eddie Murphy

“Evan nuzzled his chin into the crook of Dan's neck, finding the spot that always made Dan squirm and laugh. "I love…

— Kate Sherwood

That awkward moment when you can't understand what someone has said even though they have repeated it four times

— Green Monk

It's so funny because the roles that I've been offered in the indie film world have been similar to each other, and…

— Courtney Ford

You wanna play games; Game On. Just remember, I'm not just a bitch, I am an intelligent bitch and out of your…

— Green Monk

“Jose: Do not drop me senor Jeff:i wont drop you,jose Jose:then i be jose jalapeno on the floor Peanut:do a little tap…

— Jeff Dunham

Some people are really going all out for Halloween. The guy driving behind me even got sirens & flashing lights to go…

— Anonymous

People are as happy as they choose to be.

— Henry Ford

When I'm singing the blues, I'm singing life.

— Etta James

Dream, dream, for this is also sooth.

— William Butler Yeats

And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate

— Taylor Swift

The more you know the less you talk.

— A. R. Rahman

If you kill someone in Texas, we'll kill ya back.

— Ron White

It's not necessary to tell all you know.

— Harper Lee

I hold death in my pouch, I cannot die.

— Fela Kuti

Some people have cats and go on to lead normal lives.

— Anonymous

One [has] to sense the trend of history and precede it.

— Elsa Schiaparelli

Conservatives, come out of the closet

— Jon Bruning

I already shot my wad on the Protestants!

— Gene Siskel

You cannot live without doing something.

— Carlos Slim

He who is full of joy is full of love.

— Baal Shem Tov

Due to Multi-Tenancy our gross margin by over 70%.

— Zach Nelson

To philosophize is to doubt.

— Michel de Montaigne