Funny Quotes · Page 417

We are defined by the stories we tell ourselves.

— Tony Robbins

I watched a porno once, it was really funny.

— Katie Holmes

There is a time to dance to techno and a time not to.

— Joe Strummer

Those that are above business.

— Matthew Henry

Nothing is troublesome that we do willingly.

— Thomas Jefferson

Aint it funny what a hunny and a Lambourghini will do.

— Yelawolf

Anyone that can pull you down is already below you!

— Bishop Noel Jones

Taste everything, eat nothing.

— Bethenny Frankel

It was either her bf or her brother, Im going to go with dog!

— Rachel

I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.

— Rita Rudner

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

— Wendell Johnson

SEX DRIVE, a physical craving which appears at puberty and ends at marriage

— Nikhil Saluja

“If you think I'm one of the people who try to be funny at breakfast you're wrong.”

— Daphne du Maurier

I can't sing, but I know how to, which is quite different.

— Noel Coward

I think it's so sexy to be loud and funny, weird and strange, silly and goofy.

— Megan Stalter

Marching in the Gay Pride Parade is less exciting now that my parents support my sexual orientation.

— Anonymous

I did some writing for that movie. The remake of Planet of the Apes. I didn't write the script. But I wrote…

— Brian Regan

“Tatiana is a ridiculously curvy thing of dreams, with smooth succulent thighs, long strawberry blond cascading beneath a teal bandana, and a…

— Brett Tate

We watch so much film, calling up pitch by pitch, count by count in order to spot tendencies. Technology is a big…

— Carl Crawford

The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the…

— Erma Bombeck

I don't try to be funny. It's just that I feel the world is a little bit absurd and off-kilter and I'm…

— John Baldessari

I went to the doctor, and they found something in my bladder. And whenever they find something, it's never anything good like,…

— Mike Birbiglia

What's so funny about cats is that they have this kind of aloof, superior vibe to them. Even if you love them,…

— Ze Frank

Thank you for praising good work, thank you for leading by example, thank you for caring about us and what we do.…

— Anonymous

In literature it is only the wild that attracts us.

— Henry David Thoreau

We learn nothing by being right.

— Elizabeth Bibesco

Ah, love. A dreadful bond! And yet, so easily severed.

— Davy Jones

I don't like programming. It's tedious.

— Rasmus Lerdorf

“I will survive, jackoffs. Just watch me.”

— Kirstin Cronn-Mills

You have to act and act now.

— Larry Ellison

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

— Nikhil Saluja

I live for CAN-ing other people's can'ts.

— Steven Tyler

“She began to curl her hair and long for balls”

— Jane Austen

You won't win if you don't begin.

— Robert H. Schuller

Land [is] the only thing God ain't making no more of.

— August Wilson

Fast is only cool if it's melodic and has substance.

— Yngwie Malmsteen

If your cat falls out of a tree, go indoors to laugh.

— Pat Hitchcock

He who lives not to others, lives little to himself.

— Michel de Montaigne

No I'm not saying I'm the nicest I just life like it.

— Drake

Are you thinking?, if yes then you're thin-king

— Mpumelelo Reverb