Don't let dialog about your company happen without your perspective. — Brian Regan Business Copy Share Image
“Brian, relax, man. You’ve gotta relax when you make the crank calls.” — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Mmmm! Lunch and no cleanup! Can life get better? I submit that it can NOT! — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I took a speed reading course and my speed shot up to 43 pages a minute, but my comprehension plummeted. — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Mmmm! Lunch and no clean up!! Can life get better? I submit that it CANNOT!! — Brian Regan Food Copy Share Image
“MOOSEN!!!!!!! There many MOOSEN in the WOODSEN! MANY MUCH MOOSEN! The Meisin wanted and the MOOSEN and...” — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
It means a lot to me to have my kids like what I do. And that's why I limit them. But I… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Be adaptable, flexible and never stop learning. The rate of change will never stop and neither should you. — Brian Regan Adaptable Copy Share Image
If you tell a kid not to run to a water slide, he/she will walk for 2 steps, then start running again. — Brian Regan Child Copy Share Image
Go my favorite sports team go! Score a goal. Unit. Basket. Go squadron! Defeat the opponents soundly in this...skirmish. — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
If Einstein was so smart how come people only call you 'Einstein' when you do something really stupid ? — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
A lot of the kind of comedy that I do comes out of real human moments. For them to work, they have… — Brian Regan Audience Copy Share Image
Like, I'm trying to make a statement that clean comedy is somehow better or loftier than dirty comedy, and I don't feel… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Many comedians consider themselves to be cutting edge. But why do we have to use the knife for the analogy. Let's use… — Brian Regan Analogies Copy Share Image
Relevance is kind of a weird thing. If one does topical material, it makes sense to want to be relevant. But if… — Brian Regan Court Copy Share Image
Just make sure you're staying true to yourself, and do what you think is good in that craft or field [of yours]… — Brian Regan Crafts Copy Share Image
So when you do board, the first class people, they're sitting there. A lot of them are working as your boarding. They… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I do a few jokes about the economy but from an everyday person perspective. People like to laugh, and they especially like… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I go in for the eye test, and I don't know about you, but I concentrate like crazy during the eye exam.… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
When you're onstage, it's a communication technique when you make people laugh. You're communicating. You're communicating with other human beings and when… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
The government will pay certain farmers to not grow corn. Wow. Where's my check? That'd be great. "Hey, what do you do… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I saw this sign posted once, it said, 'blasting zone ahead'. Wow... shouldn't that read: Road Closed. What do you mean there's… — Brian Regan Comedy Copy Share Image
I try my jokes onstage. The only way to really find out if something is going to work is to try it… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
You can microwave a Pop Tart. That just blew me away that you could do that. How long does it take to… — Brian Regan Dark Copy Share Image
I saw something in the store the other day that I don't understand: that peanut butter and jelly in the same jar.… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I'm capable offstage of having some dark, twisted thoughts but the kind of things I like to do onstage are just more… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
“is there any I could get a glass of water?" [waiter]There is no way... I toss and turn many a night trying… — Brian Regan Comedy Copy Share Image
I wasn't expecting to really draw in respected comedians but it's going to happen along the way and I'm truly honored by… — Brian Regan Comedian Copy Share Image
As long as I can make that audience one thing, one unit, then I'm okay with it. But, sometimes, the bigger the… — Brian Regan Audience Copy Share Image
Why are people getting on elevators shocked to find people getting off elevators? — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I drove myself to the Emergency Room. That's a nice relaxing drive. "Noooo, after you. Merge-everybody merge." — Brian Regan Comedy Copy Share Image
I am happy doing standup so I don't ever want to stop doing it. But I wouldn't mind venturing off and doing… — Brian Regan Comedy Copy Share Image
![“Just make sure you're staying true to yourself, and do what you think is good in that craft or field [of yours] and then let everything else fall where it falls.” quote by Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/a54/brian-regan-3918_crafts_just-make-sure-you-re-staying-true-to-yo_1336701.png)
![“is there any I could get a glass of water?" [waiter]There is no way... I toss and turn many a night trying to think up some way some how I could get glasses of water to costomers but I keep coming up empty… Legend has it there was a waiter here many years ago... who had figured out a way to do…” quote by Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/df5/brian-regan-3918_comedy_is-there-any-i-could-get-a-glass-of-wate_3196051.jpg)
