A lot of the kind of comedy that I do comes out of real human moments. For them to work, they have… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I do a few jokes about the economy but from an everyday person perspective. People like to laugh, and they especially like… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I think the most horrible name for a crime has to be manslaughter. ... "I slaughtered a man! Just like a pig!… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I wasn't expecting to really draw in respected comedians but it's going to happen along the way and I'm truly honored by… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
How come they don't think you can handle a new story out of the blue on the TV news? They gotta make… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I think comedy is a good way to deal with anything. I hear about people in the hospital who are ill, and… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I drove myself to the Emergency Room. That's a nice relaxing drive. "Noooo, after you. Merge-everybody merge." — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I am happy doing standup so I don't ever want to stop doing it. But I wouldn't mind venturing off and doing… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Like, I'm trying to make a statement that clean comedy is somehow better or loftier than dirty comedy, and I don't feel… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Many comedians consider themselves to be cutting edge. But why do we have to use the knife for the analogy. Let's use… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
The government will pay certain farmers to not grow corn. Wow. Where's my check? That'd be great. "Hey, what do you do… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I saw this sign posted once, it said, 'blasting zone ahead'. Wow... shouldn't that read: Road Closed. What do you mean there's… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Every comedian works differently. Some comedians might do just observational stuff and they don't do anything personal, and other people.. everything they… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I try my jokes onstage. The only way to really find out if something is going to work is to try it… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I saw something in the store the other day that I don't understand: that peanut butter and jelly in the same jar.… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I'm capable offstage of having some dark, twisted thoughts but the kind of things I like to do onstage are just more… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
“is there any I could get a glass of water?" [waiter]There is no way... I toss and turn many a night trying… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I did some writing for that movie. The remake of Planet of the Apes. I didn't write the script. But I wrote… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Ladies and Gentlemen, we're about to begin boarding. If we could ask for your cooperation, please stay seated until you row has… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
A formula for comedy is comedy equals tragedy plus time. A difficult or uncomfortable situation takes place, and then you laugh about… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I like the honesty of standup comedy. People don't fake laugh. If they're truly laughing at you, you know they like you. — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
It's hard to program a computer to make jokes. The brain needs to do something here; the brain needs to come up… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Racquetball is the only sport where simultaneously you can be looking at the ball and it'll hit you in the back of… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
The funnest jokes for me to tell are the ones that are the newest. So I'm just constantly motivated to keep my… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I don't take jokes from other people. It's really not cool to steal jokes from anybody. It's not cool to steal anything… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Even though I have fond feelings for comedy clubs, I enjoy the focus you get in a theater. Comedy clubs are a… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I try to be careful not to put the cart before the horse. I try not to create comedy for other comedians… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
The ultimate objective [of comedy] is to get a laugh, so if you can get a laugh off the fact that you… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I don't always see humor in things. Especially when I smash my pinky toe into a coffee table leg in the middle… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
If a movie makes it really big, they do the obvious thing, right? They make an amusement park ride out of it.… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
The only way I'd want to do something in television would be if it was about how I think as a comedian.… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I'm honored that other comedians like what I do. That means the world to me. But at the same time when I'm… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
“We needed a refrigerator for our new place and I've never bought a refrigerator my whole life. I went into the appliance… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I am happy doing standup so I don't ever want to stop doing it. But I wouldn't mind venturing off and doing other things… — Brian Regan Copy Share
If a movie makes it really big, they do the obvious thing, right? They make an amusement park ride out of it. ... The… — Brian Regan Copy Share
I thought yoga was easy - I went out and I bought a yoga video tape. I bought the beginners' yoga tape. I couldn't… — Brian Regan Copy Share
The government will pay certain farmers to not grow corn. Wow. Where's my check? That'd be great. "Hey, what do you do for a… — Brian Regan Copy Share
Relevance is kind of a weird thing. If one does topical material, it makes sense to want to be relevant. But if someone talks… — Brian Regan Copy Share
I drove myself to the Emergency Room. That's a nice relaxing drive. "Noooo, after you. Merge-everybody merge." — Brian Regan Copy Share
You can poke fun at some pretty difficult circumstances, and it's just a way to pop the bubble. I don't do that thing onstage… — Brian Regan Copy Share
You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open two jars. I can't be opening and closing all kinds… — Brian Regan Copy Share
“I" before "E" except after "C" and when sounding like "A" as in neighbor and weigh, and on weekends and holidays and all throughout… — Brian Regan Copy Share
I'm trying to do things I have never done. Like I recently went to 3 different ballets. And I loved trying to learn how… — Brian Regan Copy Share
Don't like when sports interviewers force answers: Are you dedicating this game to your sick grandmother? What's the guy supposed to say? — Brian Regan Copy Share
![“is there any I could get a glass of water?" [waiter]There is no way... I toss and turn many a night trying to think up some way some how I could get glasses of water to costomers but I keep coming up empty… Legend has it there was a waiter here many years ago... who had figured out a way to do…” quote by Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/df5/brian-regan-3918_comedy_is-there-any-i-could-get-a-glass-of-wate_3196051.jpg)
![“The ultimate objective [of comedy] is to get a laugh, so if you can get a laugh off the fact that you did not get a laugh, then you've kinda saved the moment. Other professions don't have that luxury. You don't want to hear a brain surgeon say, "Man, am I so stupid! I cut on the wrong side of your…” quote by Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/e52/brian-regan-3918_brain_the-ultimate-objective-of-comedy-is-to-g_1605012.png)
