Mmmm! Lunch and no clean up!! Can life get better? I submit that it CANNOT!! — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I think the serving size of ice cream is when you hear the spoon hit the bottom of the container. — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Some people look at creamed corn and ask, 'Why?' I look at creamed corn and ask, 'Why not?' — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Mmmm! Lunch and no cleanup! Can life get better? I submit that it can NOT! — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
“You got to figure out how to eat your snack while your elbows are touching. You got to learn how to twist… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open two jars. I can't be opening and closing… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open TWO jars! I can't be opening and closing… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I went to the juice isle, I learned something. Cranberries are taking over everything. What do you got, apples? Put some cranberrise… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I saw something in the store the other day that I don't understand: that peanut butter and jelly in the same jar.… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
You can microwave a Pop Tart. That just blew me away that you could do that. How long does it take to… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
“A serving size on ice cream is like a half a cup. Is that like a joke some guy put on there?… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
“So my doctor told me to watch what I'm eating - to read food labels. I'm in the store reading the Fig… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I have a friend who swears by food combinations - have you heard of this nonsense? She's nuts. She's like, 'You know… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I eat like a kid. I like Chief Boyardee. Their Ravioli, but they have some stuff I've never seen in the real… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
“I never learn. Like a waitress will bring my meal. “Hey, enjoy your meal.” “You, too. But you don’t have one, do… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
“I learned something in the juice isle, and that is, I don't know what's going on with cranberries, but they're getting in… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I am happy doing standup so I don't ever want to stop doing it. But I wouldn't mind venturing off and doing other things… — Brian Regan Copy Share
If a movie makes it really big, they do the obvious thing, right? They make an amusement park ride out of it. ... The… — Brian Regan Copy Share
I thought yoga was easy - I went out and I bought a yoga video tape. I bought the beginners' yoga tape. I couldn't… — Brian Regan Copy Share
The government will pay certain farmers to not grow corn. Wow. Where's my check? That'd be great. "Hey, what do you do for a… — Brian Regan Copy Share
Relevance is kind of a weird thing. If one does topical material, it makes sense to want to be relevant. But if someone talks… — Brian Regan Copy Share
I drove myself to the Emergency Room. That's a nice relaxing drive. "Noooo, after you. Merge-everybody merge." — Brian Regan Copy Share
You can poke fun at some pretty difficult circumstances, and it's just a way to pop the bubble. I don't do that thing onstage… — Brian Regan Copy Share
You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open two jars. I can't be opening and closing all kinds… — Brian Regan Copy Share
“I" before "E" except after "C" and when sounding like "A" as in neighbor and weigh, and on weekends and holidays and all throughout… — Brian Regan Copy Share
I'm trying to do things I have never done. Like I recently went to 3 different ballets. And I loved trying to learn how… — Brian Regan Copy Share
Don't like when sports interviewers force answers: Are you dedicating this game to your sick grandmother? What's the guy supposed to say? — Brian Regan Copy Share
