My parents didn't know what to do with me. They got me into Little League Baseball, I played out in right field,… — Brian Regan Baseball Copy Share Image
I like the honesty of standup comedy. People don't fake laugh. If they're truly laughing at you, you know they like you. — Brian Regan Comedy Copy Share Image
I don't know. I'd be a lot better off if I would've studied more when I was growing up, you know? — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Do people who believe in reincarnation ever say, Darn, I'm still writing the year 1612 on my checks! — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
“You got to figure out how to eat your snack while your elbows are touching. You got to learn how to twist… — Brian Regan Food Copy Share Image
I think the serving size of ice cream is when you hear the spoon hit the bottom of the container. — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I'm trying to do things I have never done. Like I recently went to 3 different ballets. And I loved trying to… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Racquetball is the only sport where simultaneously you can be looking at the ball and it'll hit you in the back of… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
You ever say a phrase you say all the time at the wrong time, feel like a complete idiot? Something like, 'You,… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I think the most horrible name for a crime has to be manslaughter. ... "I slaughtered a man! Just like a pig!… — Brian Regan Apples Copy Share Image
How come they don't think you can handle a new story out of the blue on the TV news? They gotta make… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Every comedian works differently. Some comedians might do just observational stuff and they don't do anything personal, and other people.. everything they… — Brian Regan Approach Copy Share Image
They always say that Albert Einstein was a genius. Then how come when anyone ever calls you that, it's an insult? 'You… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
If reading makes you smart then how come when you read a book they have to put the title of the book… — Brian Regan Book Copy Share Image
I was at the breakfast table this morning and I read in the newspaper that more and more adults are living at… — Brian Regan Adults Copy Share Image
You know what's fun? You pick somebody at random, like out of the phone book, and send them about 100 'Just Because'… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
“I called them up, "Ya, I have ten boxes; can you come pick them up?" "We need to know the weight and… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I'm actually kinda quiet off stage, a lotta people don't realize that. I was at a dinner party recently, a bunch of… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
The ultimate objective [of comedy] is to get a laugh, so if you can get a laugh off the fact that you… — Brian Regan Brain Copy Share Image
I wanted to do the comic strip. I tried to get it syndicated, and I sent some examples to a syndication company,… — Brian Regan Business Copy Share Image
I have a friend who swears by food combinations - have you heard of this nonsense? She's nuts. She's like, 'You know… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I like to go on stage with a variety, with some stuff that's been around for a handful of years, some stuff… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
“I didn’t know what to do for my project so I brought in a paper cup filled with dirt just hoping that… — Brian Regan Dirt Copy Share Image
The only way I'd want to do something in television would be if it was about how I think as a comedian.… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Hey, you know who I feel bad for? Arab-Americans who truly want to get into crop dusting. — Brian Regan Arab Copy Share Image
Some people look at creamed corn and ask, 'Why?' I look at creamed corn and ask, 'Why not?' — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
It’s good to be here. I’m just trying to go through life without looking stupid. It’s not working out too well. — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Don't like when sports interviewers force answers: Are you dedicating this game to your sick grandmother? What's the guy supposed to say? — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
“so, what are you in for? MANSLAUGHTER!!! I SLAUGHTERED A MAN!! JUST LIKE A PIG!!! PUT HIM ON A SPIT AND PUT… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
If you were to second guess your decision to book some time to visit an Indian community, that would be a reservation… — Brian Regan Book Copy Share Image
The funnest jokes for me to tell are the ones that are the newest. So I'm just constantly motivated to keep my… — Brian Regan Comedy Copy Share Image
I hate getting off the elevator on the wrong floor? Anyone ever do that... and then you have to turn around and… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I think comedy is a good way to deal with anything. I hear about people in the hospital who are ill, and… — Brian Regan Comedy Copy Share Image
“Would you like a nice cold fish head? They're frozen solid: frozen head of fish, the eyeballs in there and the skeleton's… — Brian Regan Fish Copy Share Image
“So when you do get on, the first class people are already sitting there; they're all sprawled out on their big thrones.… — Brian Regan First class Copy Share Image
I try to be careful not to put the cart before the horse. I try not to create comedy for other comedians… — Brian Regan Audience Copy Share Image
Politicians have a lot to deal with these days. It's a different world. You know who I feel bad for? Arab Americans… — Brian Regan Arab Copy Share Image
A formula for comedy is comedy equals tragedy plus time. A difficult or uncomfortable situation takes place, and then you laugh about… — Brian Regan Comedy Copy Share Image
I don't sit down with a goal of writing. I read books or magazines. I watch TV. I go to the doctor.… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I just tend to think about everyday things for my onstage act. Actually you know what I like to talk about just… — Brian Regan Absolutes Copy Share Image
![“The ultimate objective [of comedy] is to get a laugh, so if you can get a laugh off the fact that you did not get a laugh, then you've kinda saved the moment. Other professions don't have that luxury. You don't want to hear a brain surgeon say, "Man, am I so stupid! I cut on the wrong side of your…” quote by Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/e52/brian-regan-3918_brain_the-ultimate-objective-of-comedy-is-to-g_1605012.png)
