I’m going to be a star, you know why? Because I have nothing left to lose. — Lady Gaga Copy Share Image
If your uncle jack helped you off a elephant, woul you help your uncle jack off a elephant? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I often carry things to read so that I will not have to look at the people. — Charles Bukowski Copy Share Image
If you're frightened of leprechauns, the best thing to do is to get yourself a little leprechaun outfit and see how big… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
“As the middle child of the Laurel Canyon Adams Family, Whit was surprisingly chill on the subject of ampire-vays.” — M. Beth Bloom Copy Share Image
“2 - Listen In Eavesdropping, Seriously? Acting like you’re the main character, You have nothing to go on, Grow the fuck up.” — Apollo Blake Copy Share Image
A person with no children says, "Well I just love children," and you say "Why?" and they say, "Because a child is… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I have way more freedom in Los Angeles and in the U.S. But it's funny because when I have a meeting with… — Eugenio Derbez Copy Share Image
People say there's delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years, a… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“Python opened his eyes. "What do you want?" "To sing you songs about my awesomeness!" "Oh, please. Just kill me now." "Okay!"… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
A policeman stopped me and said: Would you please blow into this bag, sir? I said: What for, officer? He said: My… — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
