Men are not revived because they sing; they sing because they are revived. — Aiden Wilson Tozer Copy Share Image
Women. Can't live with them, can't finish this joke without having sex with them & then later sleep on couch. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“I’ve written for the waste basket so often that we’ve become friends. He writes too, but it’s mostly garbage.” — Ryan Lilly Copy Share Image
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in. — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
That moment when someone hates on you. Bitch, my mom thinks I'm amazing. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Nobody spends somebody else's money as carefully as he spends his own. — Milton Friedman Copy Share Image
“Whenever He answers prayers, God usually prioritizes those by people who, instead of their mouths, have prayed with their hands and/or feet.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
When Andy Kaufman performed, he was not just trying to be funny. He was playing with the notion of what it means… — James Murphy Copy Share Image
“I spread my fingers to peek through them, and I see that Wesley's face is as red as mine. He's looking down… — Cassie Mae Copy Share Image
“Let’s go to that Jamaican place around the corner from you.” “Cluck You Chicken? Are you serious? The health department probably uses… — Mary Ann Rivers Copy Share Image
I do think I am funny, or I wouldn't be where I am today. I do think there is always room for… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Famous designers think nothing of putting their names on your clothing, but would have the servants set the dogs on you if… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
It is a funny thing to step on stage and wear beautiful clothing and lots of makeup and stand in front of… — Laufey Copy Share Image
I dont know what it is about the open road that makes it so appealing. Maybe its because when youre headed somewhere,… — Steve Hofstetter Copy Share Image
