It's never happened in the World Series competition, and it still hasn't. — Yogi Berra Copy Share Image
Well I guess I have to go to rehab because apparently I'm addicted to you. — Lisette Alfaro Copy Share Image
Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put "Emily, I love you" on the back of the bill. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Every man can do something better than anyone else…usually reading his on handwritting — Unknow Copy Share Image
“It’s obvious you think this is incredibly amusing but allow me to educate you. Men do not like to be teased.” — Kristen Ashley Copy Share Image
Something horrible happens and I try to make it funny. It's really a tortured life. You go to a salsa bar, at… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
Awkward psht, fumble a 6 year olds new toy at the family Christmas party for 15 minutes to get it to work,… — Trim1man Copy Share Image
I am a fan of all genres. My big thing is to serve the purpose of the script and what the director… — Terry Crews Copy Share Image
The Secretary, working in the Dismal Swamp betimes next morning, was informed that a youth waited in the hall who gave the… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
Some people are saying that the reason Michael Phelps isn't doing so well is because he let himself get too out of… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
When a human being trips I laugh at them. When I drop my phone my heart skips a beat. That sums up… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Sometimes I'll put on a Zig Ziglar tape: he's a motivational speaker who is really funny and really American. I know I… — Laila Rouass Copy Share Image
If you wagered $5,000 on each of my winning NFL picks in 2012 and $500 ($550) on each of my losing picks, you'd be ahead $70,050. Wow. — Norman Chad Copy Share Image
