Funny Quotes · Page 271

I don't make the stereotypes, I just see them.

— Russell Peters

I love Wes Anderson films, which are quirky and funny.

— Claudia Kim

Calvinism is the gospel, and nothing else.

— Charles Spurgeon

I want to sing because I want to sing.

— Trisha Yearwood

No one tells me what to do -- in any capacity.

— Chelsea Handler

How to get rid of having anything to unlearn.

— Antisthenes

If the times aren't ripe, you have to ripen the times.

— Dorothy Height

Blondes also prefer gentlemen.

— Mamie Van Doren

Going to McDonald's for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

— Anonymous

When you are in harmonywith yourself, you'll be in harmony with everyone else.

— Debbie Ford

The short successes that can be gained in a brief time and without difficulty, are not worth much.

— Henry Ford

Remember that a very good sardine is always preferable to a not that good lobster.

— Ferran Adria

Sticks & stones may break my bones, BUT chains & whips excite me!

— Anonymous

Instead of cleaning my house, I just watched an episode of Hoarders. Now I don't feel so bad.

— Anonymous

And do you know a funny thing? I'm almost fifty years old and I've never understood anything in my whole life.

— Richard Yates

I'm constantly fighting the angry black woman stigma, the 'You're pretty, you can't be funny' stigma.

— Amanda Seales

Some BOY's hold their Girlfriend's hand in malls Bcoz if they leave her hand she'll start shopping.. It looks Romantic but actually…

— Unkown

By nature, I am a materialist... It is exactly these impingements upon our sense of touch and so forth that I'm interested…

— Carl Andre

My knowledge of the universe is that if I write stupid jokes, the universe gives me a really nice house and great…

— Joel Klein

Police officer to a drunk Guy:How high are u? Drunk guy:no officer that's wrong English,y0u sh0uld say….Hi! How are you?

— Melchor Lim

“Oh gosh, it's moving! It's so gross! Can't you just, like, flex your butt or something? Why, yes. Travis clenched his teeth.…

— Rachel Van Dyken

I've always been funny, but I never considered it as a particular career path until my early 30s, when I realized that…

— Amanda Seales

Does anyone actually think that Beckham knows he's in America? I think he just follows a football and all he notices is…

— Frankie Boyle

You can't make Christ funny. He's self-aware, he's too flexible within the situation. It's rigidity, it's when the ego takes over and…

— John Cleese

The next road is always ahead.

— Oprah Winfrey

I was destined to express myself.

— Gina Carano

Never let an angry sister comb your hair.

— Patricia McCann

The Simpsons are going to Delaware!

— Homer

It is nought good a sleping hound to wake.

— Geoffrey Chaucer

I speak better English than this villain, Bush.

— Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

If you love what you do, it won't be work.

— Elie Tahari

Love God, and do what you like.

— Saint Augustine

We must get out of materialism.

— Swami Vivekananda

My favorite outdoor activity is going back to inside.

— Anonymous

Everything is sacred and nothing is sacred.

— Shailene Woodley

Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.

— Rita Rudner

I'm not a princess, I'm the princess!:) LOL!

— Anonymous

Each of us has a private Austen.

— Karen Joy Fowler

We had the experience, but we missed the meaning.

— T. S. Eliot

It's not houses I love, it's the life I live in them.

— Coco Chanel