Funny Quotes · Page 245

There must be consistency in direction.

— W. Edwards Deming

There are no objective values.

— J. L. Mackie

Did It hurt when you fell from Heaven?

— 21 Jump Street

It's harder to be funny from the position of power.

— George Carlin

“There is a lot to learn about love and positions.”

— M.F. Moonzajer

What thought can think, another thought can mend.

— Robert Southwell

Eternity is really long, especially near the end.

— Woody Allen

Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively.

— Bo Burnham

I don't think the public is dying to see me necessarily be funny all the time.

— Ben Stiller

With the cloud, you don't own anything. You already signed it away

— Steve Wozniak

Without our immigrants, who will kick our field goals, or train our white tigers?

— Nikhil Saluja

I am a man who belongs to no-one and who belongs to everyone.

— Charles de Gaulle

Success doesn’t count unless you earn it fair and square.

— Michelle Obama

See it with your own eyes, hear it with your own ears. Think with your own mind and decide with your own…

— Nikhil Saluja

With identical twins, you always get a little snidey one.

— Karl Pilkington

When life gives you lemons... thhrow them at lifes face!

— Anonymous

Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test. Then I…

— Daniel Tosh

Hoover, if elected, will do one thing that is almost incomprehensible to the human mind: he will make a great man out…

— Clarence Darrow

I know I'm funny, and I like to be in front of people, and the fact that I'm good at that. It's…

— Jim Norton

I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I…

— David Sedaris

Kansas is a piece of real estate that completely disproves the theory of roundness as a quality of the planet earth.

— W. Bruce Cameron

Why do single women take advice from other single women? That's like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions.

— Hussein Nishah

It's funny, because earlier, I used to have questions about how you coped with the seniors in the team, and now I…

— Smriti Mandhana

It's funny you can pretty much substitute the same actors in that top tier, whether it's a Chris Evans or a Chris…

— Tamlyn Tomita

You can see beauty in everything, except for yourself.

— Justina Chen

Never place a period where God has placed a comma.

— Gracie Allen

Build an inner place to protect your truth.

— Richard Bach

Musicals are just funny to me.

— Julian Barratt

After all, all we demanded was a right to twinkle.

— Marilyn Monroe

Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love.

— Elie Wiesel

I've been through a lot of struggles.

— Dwight Henry

Keep your sense of humor. Stay funny.

— Frederick Lenz

I didn't say the things I said.

— Yogi Berra

I miss you like a retard misses the point.

— Unkown

Congratulations! You've just read this sentence.

— Green Monk

Sweet cream on an ice cream sandwich!

— Dwayne Johnson

Don't be outraged, be outrageous.

— Tom Robbins

The more I learn, the more excited I get.

— Johnny Cash

Anybody can change, but they have to want to change.

— Marshall Goldsmith

My cat has better manners than my friends.

— Anonymous