That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can't stop smiling like an idiot. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Who says women cant think consistently? . . . . My wife thinks that she's just 20 for the past 15 years — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I feel like I'm a cockroach when I'm sleeping on my back trying to get up — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
George Booth and I are both funny, and from afar, without meeting, admired each other's work. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
This must be a gift book. That is to say a book, which you wouldn't take on any other terms. — Dorothy Parker Copy Share Image
Marriage...a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters written in prose. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Great knowledge is universal. Small knowledge is limited. Great words are inspiring; small words are chatter. — Zhuangzi Copy Share Image
It Doesn't Matter How Hard Or Bad Ass You Are... When A Toddler Hands You Their Ringing Toy Cell Phone, You'll Still… — Pacifiersucker Copy Share Image
“Cover me!' Augustus said as he jumped out from behind the wall and raced toward the school. Isaac fumbled for his controller… — John Green Copy Share Image
You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school.… — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
If you think about it he world s one big testicle and all the people are the crabs and all the skyscrapers… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you take relationship advice from Taco Bell hot sauce packets...Congratulations, you have reached rock bottom. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Without discussing it with his mother, Anton went up to his teacher, Miss Katballe, and informed her that after seven years he… — Carsten Jensen Copy Share Image
'Ex-Boyfriend' is a really funny story that is that much funnier when you have visuals attached to it as opposed to just… — Lil Dicky Copy Share Image
My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and he said 'Do I know you?' — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
