Funny Quotes · Page 200

Options are good. Keeps people choosing.

— Craig Benzine

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

— Ana

It made and preserves us a nation.

— George Pope Morris

I always knew I was going to die in space.

— Adam Brody

The Babe is here. Who's coming in second?

— Babe Didrikson Zaharias

First Aid Kit? You mean Duct Tape.

— Nikhil Saluja

I can conduct better than I count.

— Eugene Ormandy

Nothing is really ours until we share it.

— C. S. Lewis

“You dance?” “I think that might be overly optimistic,” he said. “I do something. I’ll try not to hurt you.”

— Robyn Carr

Sport is the only profession I know of that when you retire you have to go to work.

— Earl Monroe

Come to the dark side we have cookies ……are u seriously surprised we lied about having cookies

— Unknow

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding, he sings.

— Anonymous

I don't whistle at you down the street. I would if I could, but I can't whistle you see.

— Elton John

Ask yourself not if this or that is expedient, but if it is right.

— Alan Paton

Where I come from, they won't let me play with this rope. They think I might hurt myself.

— Will Rogers

Studies show that the leading cause of disappointment is giving a fuck.

— Anonymous

I've never been to a hotel with a rotating restaurant on top, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round,…

— Mitch Hedberg

Dear gay men,Please stop being so much kinder,funnier, & more attractive than straight men. Its quite depressing.Sincerely, all single women

— Anonymous

I know. I'm lazy. But I made myself a New Years resolution that I would write myself something really special. Which means…

— Catherine O'Hara

I wrote a letter to my Dad - I wrote, "I really enjoy being here," but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of…

— Mitch Hedberg

You’re not going to be a 1.000 hitter all the time. You’re going to be more wrong than right. You just have…

— Les Wexner

“It does not mean you are not awesome, if no one ever appreciates your beauty. But I can see that, in your…

— M.F. Moonzajer

I would love to get with somebody who knows the fundamentals of making the movie, then get my money up and start…

— Obie Trice

Remind me," he paused, drawing in a stuttered gasp, "to never piss you off again. Christ, are you secretly a ninja?

— Anonymous

Never met a wiseman if so its a woman!

— Kurt Cobain

Don't worry about things you cannot alter

— Catherine the Great

History is not history unless it is the truth.

— Abraham Lincoln

He went in with his shuds stowing.

— Gary Neville

But thy eternal summer shall not fade.

— William Shakespeare

To know and not to do is not yet to know.

— Laozi

My future depends mostly upon myself.

— Paul Robeson

“Oh, hell, he'd look hot in a chicken suit.”

— Cyn Balog

It’s very difficult to trace convicted paedophiles

— Rebekah Brooks

That which needs to be proved cannot be worth much.

— Friedrich Nietzsche

Stand for right, even if you stand alone.

— Thomas S. Monson

A bad ending follows a bad beginning.

— Euripides

I'm just happy I'm not a phoney.

— Mike Tyson

Start loving now, and you start Heaven now.

— Bo Sanchez

Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.

— Anonymous

I would never do anything outside of the rules of play.

— Tom Brady