Funny Quotes · Page 203

Listen, I'm not afraid of anything. I'm Colombian.

— Sofia Vergara

Without imperfection, you or I would not exist.

— Stephen Hawking

I didn't really say everything I said.

— Yogi Berra

The secret of a successful restaurant is sharp knives.

— George Orwell

I don't sell dope, I sell hope.

— Cee Lo Green

Pat OBrien knows nothing. Hes on the Hell express.

— Rob Corddry

Wherever you are, I am there also.

— Ludwig van Beethoven

Survival isn't fun. If it is - you camping.

— Anonymous

What you eat is the most political thing you do every day

— Jeanette Winterson

Necessity knows no law; I know some attorneys of the same.

— Benjamin Franklin

You were born at home, but when your mother saw you she went to the hospital.

— Anonymous

Every time my grandparents sleep over, they snore through the night.

— Anonymous

Ultimately, you just have one life. You never know unless you try. And you never get anywhere unless you ask.

— Kate Winslet

Everybody's got creativity. You just get more of it [when you meditate].

— David Lynch

Comedy wasn't something I chose - it chose me. I was just inherently funny when I was a kid.

— Pauly Shore

“Much of the Kama Sutra is like origami; I don’t quite understand all the bending that needs to happen.”

— Erica Goros

I wonder why¦ When theres something you dont want to do, you suddenly want to clean¦ but once you start cleaning, it…

— Anonymous

Dear Electricity, They're just using to u so that they can turn me on Sincerely, Computer. Dear Computer, They're using u to…

— Arashi

His wardrobe was extensive--very extensive--not strictly classical perhaps, not quite new, nor did it contain any one garment made precisely after the…

— Charles Dickens

My best childhood memory was falling asleep on the couch and waking up in bed. I miss teleporting. It never happens to…

— Anonymous

If you're not going to love the Spurs, just don't talk smack to me about it. And if you're going to talk…

— Michelle Beadle

EXTREMELY FUNNY! A SUPER-VIRTUOSO! I expected to enjoy 'The Two and Only,' but I didn't expect to be touched, much less to…

— Terry Teachout

Coleman Jacoby and Arnie Rosen won an Emmy and Mel Brooks didn't! Niezsche was right! There is no God! There is no…

— Mel Brooks

I love storytellers. When I was growing up, my inspirations were watching Eddie Murphy, Dennis Wolfberg, and Louie Anderson. These guys were…

— Jo Koy

We are all wired into a survival trip, now.

— Hunter S. Thompson

There are some things that can't be measured.

— Julia Gillard

Romance at short notice was her speciality.

— Hector Hugh Munro

My movies are not about being, but becoming.

— Sofia Coppola

There is wisdom in the selection of wisdom…

— Bergen Evans

Comedy is the kindly contemplation of the incongruous.

— P. G. Wodehouse

You can Hate,or love me,but always respect me.

— Jezreel Scott

To try to be better is to be better.

— Charlotte Saunders Cushman

You are that what you cannot lose.

— Gerrit Komrij

Coffee enhances my social phobias.

— Anonymous

When we think we know we cease to learn.

— Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan

I've eaten things that didn't complain this much.

— Denis Leary

When you catch an adjective, kill it.

— Mark Twain

If you've got a business - you didn't build that.

— Barack Obama

He who is attached to things will suffer much.

— Laozi

I am not now, nor I have ever been, relevant.

— James G. March