The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
My sarcasm only gets me in trouble when my brain-to-mouth filter is malfunctioning — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
“In the field, one quickly learns that everything that was funny at age ten is funny all over again.” — Neil Strauss Copy Share Image
“That’s my son you’re torturing, miss,’ said Xena. ‘And that’s my employee you’ve got there,’ said Kenneby.” — Surabhi Singh Copy Share Image
When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, "Emo, don't go near the cellar door!" One day when they… — Emo Philips Copy Share Image
I'm not mad keen on comedy that points the finger at people and ridicules them. I don't find that very funny. I… — Caroline Quentin Copy Share Image
When you reminisce, you don't say, 'Remember that time you got sued by so-and-so?' No, you say, 'Remember when we played here… — John Petrucci Copy Share Image
Men are not amusing during the shooting season; but, after all, my dear, men were not especially designed to amuse women. — Gertrude Atherton Copy Share Image
So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes… — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
When I started my program... there was a big clock in the corner and I looked and it said nine o'clock exactly.… — Sarah Hughes Copy Share Image
Why tell social networking sites that you're on your period? Nobody cares if your uterus lining is leaving your body — Amit Verma Copy Share Image
It's not bad enough I am exiled? It's not bad enough you take away the few good heroes I'm allowed to meet?… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
