And the druids, they were into sex and death in an interesting night-time telly sort of way. — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
Why is it that everyone complains about math I mean what about history and gym I mean those classes suck — Drew Fonner Copy Share Image
Congratulations on being in a relationship with someone who doesn't realize they're in a relationship. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Maman used to say that you can always find something to be happy about. — Albert Camus Copy Share Image
I was watching Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? And I was thinking, "Why don't they… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
My uncle Jimmy took liver salts twice a day for 40 years. He died on Sunday, was buried Wednesday and the following… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!' — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
Facebooks achievements may well be in question but it definitely introduced innovative ways of begging to Like a post or Comment on… — Mohd Aariff Khan Copy Share Image
Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork.… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
My legs tired, ain't your legs tired!? His legs ain't Tired! He Just... Tinktinktinktinktinktink, TinktinkTinktinkTinktink!! Just paperclips and Sparks everywhere! — Katt Williams Copy Share Image
“ "Joss" "What?" "What?" Dylan asked back. "You just said my name." "No I didn't" "Sorry that was me." I sat up,… — Susan Bischoff Copy Share Image
You've built your homeyou've fledged your birdsyou've beaten the windwith your bonesyou've finished alonewhat no one began — Alejandra Pizarnik Copy Share Image
