I'm just someone who likes making lots of things up and trying to be funny. That's about it. — Limmy Copy Share Image
I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“In my sleep I have my nightmares, awake I have my thoughts, I am not sure which is worse.” — Carl R White Copy Share Image
“Who cares if you have a girlfriend, anyway?" "I care" Simon said gloomily. "Pretty soon the only people left without a girlfriend… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
“That´s the problem with planning a late night supper after the opera, not only does the hero or the heroine die singing,… — E.A. Bucchianeri Copy Share Image
I can't even really tell a joke. I find being funny very hard work. I am always asked about it and I… — Madeline Kahn Copy Share Image
“I told you that the moment we started letting females into our group, they'd be nothing but trouble.' 'As far as I… — Sarah J. Maas Copy Share Image
What gets me is, I waited in line for an hour to do this. I could have experienced essentially the same level… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really unevolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Many if not most slaves would have each readily jumped, and many if not most slaves would each readily jump, at the… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Did u hear McDonald killed Burger King in front of Popeye's over that bitch Wendy? The funeral is at K.F.C. You going?… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
