Jokes Quote by Milton Berle Download Open image “I never stole a joke in my life. I just find them before they're lost.” — Milton Berle ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ 3.7 out of 5 (4 ratings) Copy quoteShare Jokes Life Lost
I've had jokes stolen a thousand times. But if you can do it better than me, you can have it. I've had jokes stolen… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
Joke stealing is a big deal to me, but I mean, I'm not going to investigate it if it doesn't effect me directly. — Greg Giraldo Copy Share Image
I don't take jokes from other people. It's really not cool to steal jokes from anybody. It's not cool to steal anything from anybody.… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
The really funny moments you notice throughout your life are very seldom generated by one person telling a joke. — Ronnie Corbett Copy Share Image
Surprisingly I've never really stolen anything. One time when I was really young, I was walking down the street, found a GI Joe in… — Baron Vaughn Copy Share Image
When somebody says that a comic steals jokes, it's the ultimate betrayal of comedy. — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
I've never stolen anything in my life, except maybe a couple hearts here and there. — CM Punk Copy Share Image
Stealing, you'll go far in life. Actually, there is something funny about getting away with it. — Mike Judge Copy Share Image
You remember from watching the show, there are no "jokes." That's why if you see people on Twitter accusing me of being a "joke… — Jay Mohr Copy Share Image
A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers,… — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies. — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
Like every comedian, if I heard a joke that I thought would work, I used it. — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
My sister-in-law found a real surprise in her stockings - my brother. — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher, "I wish he was… — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd… — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once… — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired. — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor… — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman. — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
“Our world will not die as a result of the bomb, as the papers say, it will die of laughter, of banality, of making a joke… — Carlos Ruiz Zafon Copy Share Image
There is plenty of time for Republicans to have a Macaca moment. But right now, as of October 17, 2014, the Republican Senate candidates… — Matthew Continetti Copy Share Image
I would have done well as a gypsy child, I think. A circus baby. I coulda played a great street urchin or ragamuffin. Or… — Natasha Lyonne Copy Share Image
“A traveling salesman was driving in the country when his car broke down. He hiked several miles to a farmhouse and asked the farmer… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I was interested in all kinds of things, whether it be Avatar, Mad Men, Troy, 300, Battlestar Gallactica, or the poems of Horace and… — Daniel Mendelsohn Copy Share Image
I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
You remember from watching the show, there are no "jokes." That's why if you see people on Twitter accusing me of being a "joke… — Jay Mohr Copy Share Image
Worship isn't destructive, Martin. I know that. I don't. I only know it's the core of his life. What else has he got? He… — Peter Shaffer Copy Share Image
I'm always looking at new ways to tell a joke so that it doesn't get stale while working on new jokes every night or… — Bill Burr Copy Share Image
