Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
This man's wife told him, "For Christmas, surprise me." On Christmas Eve he leaned over where she was sleeping and said, "Boo!" — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should… — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side? — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head… — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here? — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three… — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers,… — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies. — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
Like every comedian, if I heard a joke that I thought would work, I used it. — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
My sister-in-law found a real surprise in her stockings - my brother. — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher, "I wish he was… — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd… — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once… — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired. — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor… — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman. — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
