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Comedian Quote by Dana Gould

“A good competition for comedians would be where a comedian…” quote by Dana Gould — Download Open image

“A good competition for comedians would be where a comedian has a conversation and is then quizzed on what the other person says.”

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Comedian Communication Competition Conversation Persons Would be

More by Dana Gould

As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can…

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The older I get, the more I look like my favorite shoes.

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Somewhere, there's someone who's masturbation ritual ends with them setting up ventriloquist dummies facing the bed. I mean, someone else.

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I feel very uncomfortable when I eat in restaurants. I'm obnoxiously polite with the waiters: 'I just want a tuna sandwich. I'll go get…

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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.

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Despite a primitive brain, the octopus possesses an intricate system that helps it decide which tentacle to masturbate with.

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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because…

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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.

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It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible…

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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.

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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.

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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.

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I would say most comedians have a very cynical worldview of the way the world can work. It's almost like if you didn't, you…

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At one point when I was very young, when I was first starting out, I thought, 'Well, one day I'll be able to put…

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I like to turn up my collar when I'm leaving the theatre and feel like I'm some heroic comedian figure.

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The only difference between a comedian and someone else? We need to make people laugh more.

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When a soldier of the night's watch dies they say, "And now his watch is over." That's what they say when a comedian dies.…

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My mom is two people to me. She's my mom number one, and then she's this lady most comedians know as being a legendary…

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I wouldn't mind gigging around the same era as Jesus, after he gives his speech about the meek and how blessed they are and…

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It's very rare that an older comedian sort of slips into an old-school clunker. You know, you don't hear too much of that anymore.

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I was a kid, and I would watch standup comics do the 'Tonight Show,' and if Johnny Carson liked you, he'd wave you over…

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