« All Maybe Quotes · Jack Handey's Page
Maybe Quotes by Jack Handey
- Sometimes when I'm driving behind a big cement truck, I think of how the valve on the truck could suddenly open, spilling cement over my…
- If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think…
- It makes me mad when people say I turned and ran like a scared rabbit. Maybe it was like an angry rabbit, who was running…
- Eventually, I believe, everything evens out. Long ago an asteroid hit our planet and killed our dinosaurs. But in the future, maybe we'll go to…
- Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself. Basically, it's made up of two separate words — mank and…
- I think a cute movie idea would be about a parrot who is raised by eagles. It would be cute because the parrot can't seem…
- One day one of my little nephews came up to me and asked me if the equator was a real line that went around the…
- What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid-gold baby? Maybe we'll never know.
- There are many stages to a man's life. In the first stage, he is young and eager, like a beaver. In the second stage, he…
- Can't the Marx Brothers be arrested and maybe even tortured for all the confusion and problems they've caused?
- I'd like to see a nature film where an eagle swoops down and pulls a fish out of a lake, and then maybe he's flying…
- If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch…
- I remember one day I was at Grandpa's farm and I asked him about sex. He sort of smiled and said, "Maybe instead of telling…
- To me, there's no better symbol for the world than a grasshopper lying dead on a gravel road, and maybe there's a globe lying next…
- I wish I could shrink down to the size of an ant. And maybe there would be thousands of other people shrunken down to ant-size,…
- I wish there was a disease where you're afraid of clouds, because I think I could cure it. First, you sit the patient down and…
- If life deals you lemons, why not go kill somone with the lemons (maybe by shoving them down his throat)?
- If I was being executed by injection, I'd clean up my cell real neat. Then, when they came to get me, I'd say, "Injection? I…
- Higher beings from outer space may not want to tell us the secrets of life, because we're not ready. But maybe they'll change their tune…
- The big, huge meteor headed toward the Earth. Could nothing stop it? Maybe Bob could. He was suddenly on top of the meteor-through some kind…
- Too bad when I was a kid there wasn't a guy in our class that everybody called the "Cricket Boy", because I would have liked…
- Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway;…
- Tonight, when we were eating dinner, Marta said something that really knocked me for a loop. She said, "I love carrots." "Good," I said as…
- Perhaps, if I am very lucky, the feeble efforts of my lifetime will someday be noticed, and maybe, in some small way, they will be…
- Sometimes I wish Marta were more loyal to me. Like the other day. The car parked next to ours had a real dirty windshield; so…
More Maybe Quotes
- For whatever reason, maybe it's because of my story, but people associate Livestrong with exercise and physical fitness, health and lifestyle choices… — Lance Armstrong
- My Latin temper blows up pretty fast, but it goes down just as fast. Maybe that's why you seldom hear of ulcers… — Desi Arnaz
- The whole idea of a stereotype is to simplify. Instead of going through the problem of all this great diversity - that… — Chinua Achebe
- Maybe one day I can have a reunion with myself. — Sebastian Bach
- Maybe if they start playing new rock bands videos, then maybe but there is no point in a guy like me spending… — Sebastian Bach
- When migraines briefly became a campaign issue for me, it appeared that political foes were maybe playing the gender card. — Michele Bachmann
- When kids can't afford to see it anymore maybe we'll have a whole resurgence of garage bands all over America and this… — Lester Bangs
- All I've ever ended up with in terms of achievements is the movie, some really stupid anecdotes, a bunch of crosswords that… — Christian Bale
- In terms of the romantic kind of lead, I just never enjoy those movies very much. Maybe they'll come to interest me… — Christian Bale
- During my time, there might have been one pitcher or two that were top pitchers on a team. Teams that won maybe… — Ernie Banks
- I love being able to go to a store, let's say... a store like Topshop or Zara or maybe even Macy's, depends… — Tyra Banks
- I remember being on film sets when I was younger, and only men got to do the cool action movies. So I… — Drew Barrymore