"Too bad when I was a kid there……" — Jack Handey
"Too bad when I was a kid there wasn't a guy in our class that everybody called the "Cricket Boy", because I would have liked to stand up in class and tell everybody, "You can make fun of the Cricket Boy if you want to, but to me he's just like everybody else." Then everybody would leave the Cricket Boy alone, and I'd invite him over to spend the night at my house, but after about five minutes of that loud chirping I'd have to kick him out. Maybe later we could get up a petition to get the Cricket Family run out of town. Bye, Cricket Boy."
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Jack Handey
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397 Quotes by Jack Handey
Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have…
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I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
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People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side,…
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived…
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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me…
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's…
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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that…
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Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around…
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MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the…
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I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy…
See all 397 quotes by Jack Handey »
More Alone Quotes
This quote is filed under Alone Quotes,
one of 10,353 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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I try to push ideas away, and the ones that will not leave me alone are the ones that ultimately…
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There's love, and certainly children you care about more than yourself. But nevertheless, we're alone in our heads.
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I really enjoy being single again. I spent a lot of time in a relationship and the nearer we came…
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India is the meeting place of the religions and among these Hinduism alone is by itself a vast and complex…
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Woman is fine for her own satisfaction alone. No man will admire her the more, no woman will like her…
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I hate cameras. They interfere, they're always in the way. I wish: if I could work with my eyes alone.
— Richard Avedon
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Mental prayer in my opinion is nothing else than an intimate sharing between friends; it means taking time frequently to…
— Teresa of Avila
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While the soul is in mortal sin, nothing can profit it; none of its good works merit an eternal reward,…
— Teresa of Avila
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The further we distance ourselves from the spell of the present, explored by our senses, the harder it will be…
— Diane Ackerman
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The average Nigerian person has come to reconcile himself with the fact that his or her social progress remain essentially…
— Ibrahim Babangida
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In today's interdependent world, a threat to one becomes a menace to all. And no state can defeat these challenges…
— Michelle Bachelet
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We neither laugh alone, nor weep alone, why then should we pray alone?
— Anna Letitia Barbauld
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