"Tonight, when we were eating dinner, Marta said……" — Jack Handey

"Tonight, when we were eating dinner, Marta said something that really knocked me for a loop. She said, "I love carrots." "Good," I said as I gritted my teeth real hard. "Then maybe you and carrots would like to go into the bedroom and have sex!" They didn't, but maybe they will sometime, and I can watch."

— Jack Handey

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397 Quotes by Jack Handey

Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

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More Bedroom Quotes

This quote is filed under Bedroom Quotes, one of 495 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:

Whether you've seen angels floating around your bedroom or just found a ray of hope at a lonely moment, choosing… — Martha Beck
Real intimacy depends on truth - lovingly told - especially in the bedroom. — Joyce Brothers
I love fashion. I love couture. I'm going to erect a shelf in my bedroom with an art light to… — Sandra Bullock
Yeah, anybody can go in with two turntables and a microphone or a home studio sampler and a little cassette… — David Byrne
How blazing and alive the past is. The color of the wallpaper in the bedroom you had as a girl.… — Jackie Kay
I am really chained to my computer these days so I work in my bedroom, which is a room I… — Margaret Mahy
The totalitarian states can do great things, but there is one thing they cannot do: they cannot give the factory-worker… — George Orwell
If you don't want to see the biggest fool in your life; break your bedroom mirror. — Sharon Osbourne
Spirituality can release blocks, lead you to ideas, and make your life artful. Sometimes when we pray for guidance, we're… — Julia Cameron
All I needed was a steady table and a typewriter...a marble-topped bedroom washstand table made a good place; the dining-room… — Agatha Christie
If I ever end up being the kind of person who has one kid and seven bedrooms. Do me a… — John Green
There is a crisis of public morality. Instead of policing bedrooms, we ought to be doing a better job policing… — Robert Reich

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