W.C. Fields Quotes
- I drink therefore I am.
- I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
- Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
- There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
- Never give a sucker an even break.
- Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
- I like children. If they're properly cooked.
- It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
- Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
- Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
- Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, "You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a…
- Ain't fit for man nor beast
- Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
- There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
- All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
- A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
- Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
- I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
- You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
- I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.