W.C. Fields Quotes

195 quotes in 1650 categories

• What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which…
• Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
• I have been in the entertainment business some forty-three years, and I have never said anything detrimental or anything that might be construed as belittling…
• How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
• Happiness means quiet nerves.
• When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
• The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
• If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.
• I never met a kid I liked.
• Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
• I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
• If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
• Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
• I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
• If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
• I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
• No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
• Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
• The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
• I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

Browse W.C. Fields Quotes by Category