W.C. Fields Quotes

195 quotes in 1650 categories

• When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
• I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
• Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
• Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
• Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
• It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
• I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
• Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
• I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
• Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
• Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
• I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
• If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
• The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
• Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
• Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
• I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
• I must have a drink of breakfast.
• Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
• The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

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