Nikhil Saluja

When a pretty girl says something dumb just smile at her and pet her on the top of her head.

— Nikhil Saluja

I only drink on two occasions. When it's my birthday, and when it's not my birthday.

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't have anger issues, I have issues with idiots who make me angry.

— Nikhil Saluja

Pick-Up Line: That blouse looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

— Nikhil Saluja

As kids if we had said, When I grow up I wanna browse my phone while sitting on the toilet we'd all…

— Nikhil Saluja

I wake up everyday wishing for world peace and for women with hairy arms to do something about it.

— Nikhil Saluja

I just want someone to compliment my new underwear. Ugh, its so hard being a salesman in this day and age.

— Nikhil Saluja

That moment when you have to beg yourself to stop crying and tell yourself, 'Be Strong'

— Nikhil Saluja

Alcoholic: A person you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

— Nikhil Saluja

Whenever you're sad just remember that you dont look like you did in 6th grade.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm husband material (Getting fatter, balding, emotionally distant, intermittently angry for no reason

— Nikhil Saluja

If you're going to act like a pussy, you should at least dress like one... Here I bought you the smallest dildo…

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't delete tweets that don't get retweeted. I hug them and tell them they're just as special.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you're a cowboy who likes to line dance always remember, the girl behind you is secretly calling you a pussy.

— Nikhil Saluja

Instagram and nightclubs are where ugly people go to trick people into thinking they're hot.

— Nikhil Saluja

The British Royal Family had to be Gujjus - love dressing gaudy whenever they step out.

— Nikhil Saluja

Found out my girlfriend has been selling her pussy but it's OK she's just playing tricks on me.

— Nikhil Saluja

I just puked and some inspirational tweets came out. Now I know where some of you get your tweets from!

— Nikhil Saluja

Women over 200 pounds with a visible thong should have to register as sex offenders.

— Nikhil Saluja

I like my porn like I like my food; homemade and sometimes on the kitchen table.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says trust me, you don't want to know.

— Nikhil Saluja

Doctor: A person who kills your disease with pills and you with bills.

— Nikhil Saluja

I recently started selling furniture for a living. Trouble is, it's my own!

— Nikhil Saluja

It is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

— Nikhil Saluja

Tears running down my face like rain, who would have ever thought that love would come with so much pain.

— Nikhil Saluja

If Men Got Pregnant: Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay

— Nikhil Saluja

ProTip: If you need a shoulder to cry on...buy a teddy bear or something like a pillow.

— Nikhil Saluja

Roses are red. Violets are blue. They both live in the ground...soon, you will too.

— Nikhil Saluja

I like my women like I like watching my porn on the computer, fucking muted.

— Nikhil Saluja

Whenever you're having doubts about your sexuality, remember that's exactly how female cockroaches feel the whole time.

— Nikhil Saluja

Give a man some 'pussy' and he'll have 'sex' for a day. Teach a man to 'jackoff' and he'll have 'sex' for…

— Nikhil Saluja

I always date girls with beer guts cause you know those bitches can party.

— Nikhil Saluja

She: Do You Think Im Fat Now.? Me: No Baby, You Have Just Become My Teddy Bearfrom A Barbie Doll..!! ¥

— Nikhil Saluja

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes I look at my friends and think to myself, What the hell would I do without them

— Nikhil Saluja

Site Engineer is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

— Nikhil Saluja

I often wonder how my tweets are going to sound when read aloud at my future divorce hearing.

— Nikhil Saluja

Using Viagra to masturbate is a hardest time in every man's life...

— Nikhil Saluja

On one thing, at least, men & women both agree: They both distrust women.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've never felt this way about anyone before. - Every girl, literally every time they like a guy

— Nikhil Saluja