All Jon Stewart Quotes
- If it turns out that President Barack Obama can make a deal with the most intransigent, hard-line, unreasonable, totalitarian mullahs in the world but not… Barack
- I'll tell you this: Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality. And the protections that we have, for religion -we protect religion- and… Absolutely
- My friend Bill O’Reilly is completely full of sh*t. Bill
- The Book of Mormon is so good it makes me f**king angry. Angry
- I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about. Actually Care
- We declared war on terror-it's not even a noun, so, good luck. Declared
- I don't approve of political jokes; I have seen too many of them get elected. Approve
- President Bush announced his new economic plan. The centerpiece was a proposed repeal of the dividend tax on stocks, a boon that could be worth… Americans
- People talk about sexual assault like it's a bad habit that men have. Assault
- If I'd only followed CNBC's advice, I'd have a million dollars today. Provided I'd started with a hundred million dollars. Advice
- How do you know what is the right path to choose to get the result that you desire? The honest answer is this: You won't.… Accepting
- When my syndicated show got canceled, the next day I still knew how to write jokes. That was a huge revelation. Because at first you… Any
- I can't tell you how many times we'll run into a journalist and go, "Boy that's...I wish we could be saying that. That's exactly the… Always Think
- I still do not understand how a corporation can have person-hood if it has no soul and never dies. Corporation
- Republicans are no longer allowed to say that people are rich. You have to refer to them as 'job creator.' You can't even use the… Allowed
- Glenn Beck does have a dream. Unfortunately, it's the kind of dream you have when you eat four pepperoni hot pockets right before bed. Beck
- So Fox News is the voice of America and Obama is Stalin? Oh my God! I guess that makes me Yakov Smirnoff. America
- No matter what your race, creed or sexual preference, there is a word that people use to describe you that is very nasty. It's what… All
- Usually when Obama says, 'Let me be clear,' he's about to get into some very unclear sh*t. Clear
- I have not moved out of the comedian's box into the news box. The news box is moving towards me. Box
- Who cares how we avoided a war and got a dictator to give up his chemical weapons if we avoided a war and got a… Avoided
- You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of… Been
- Don't censor yourself to comfort their ignorance. Censor
- You may be asking yourself, 'Am I the right type of person to go to this rally?' The fact that you would even stop to… Ask
- You've confused a war on your religion with not always getting everything you want. Always Getting