All Jon Stewart Quotes
- College is something you complete. Life is something you experience. College
- I thought we were out of money!? You can't simultaneously fire teachers AND tomahawk missiles. Fire
- When you are actually powerful, you don't need to be petty. Inspirational
- What you do for Jewish New Year is you go down to Times Square ... It's a lot quieter than the regular New Year. It's… Around Going
- As long as I don't end up hosting a skin care commercial with Cher, I'm happy. Care
- I want a sandwich named after me. Fame
- Congress is the Justin Bieber of our government Bieber
- How far back to the elementary school core curriculum do we have to go to get someone on the House Committee on Science, Space and… Caught
- The press has bravely and nobly eroded the public trust... What I'm advocating is the media come work for us again. Remove themselves from the… Advocating
- We're Jews. When you look at our pubic hair, it should look like Ewoks should be in there. Ewoks
- Everyone knows if a Republican comes out of the closet and sees a gay shadow, it means six more years of a Democratic administration. Administration
- College is something you complete. Life is something you experience. So don't worry about your grade, or the results or success. Success is defined in… College
- When you think about it, Alaska is also near the North Pole, so she must also be friends with Santa. Alaska
- Corporations are the only reason the tax code is so complicated in the first place. Those off-shore loopholes didn't get carved out by poor people. Carved
- The government that governs best, governs best! Best
- They may want to insist that corporations are people but corporations are certainly not Americans. Americans
- Evil is relatively rare. Ignorance is epidemic. Epidemic
- It's a travesty that people have forced someone who is gay to have to make their case that they deserve the same basic rights as… Basic
- Child: Why on this night do we eat Hot Fudge Sundaes? Adult: To remind us that being Jewish is like having your birthday every day!!… Adult
- Wow, the entire network of anchors has been hired to be the press secretary. Anchors
- President Bush's approval ratings have taken somewhat of a dive. A senior slump, if you will. Leading President Bush to one conclusion: He is the… Approval
- Capote, of course, addressed very similar themes to Good Night and Good Luck. Both films are about determined journalists defying obstacles in a relentless pursuit… Addressed
- Ah, the first rule of public speaking -- always start with a joke. Ah
- Julie Christie was absolutely amazing in Away From Her. Brilliant movie. It was the moving story of a woman who forgets her own husband. Hillary… Absolutely
- Michael Brown, the director of FEMA, was nominated by President Bush in 2003 and plans to start the job any day now. ... Prior to… Any