Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live. — Dennis Miller Bad girl Copy Share Image
Some people like M&Ms plain, and some people like them with nuts. — Dennis Miller Nuts Copy Share Image
How many of those dead animals you see on the highway are suicides? — Dennis Miller Animal Copy Share Image
I've seen better coverage at an Alan Keyes press conference. — Dennis Miller Conferences Copy Share Image
That punt was higher than Marion Berry on a fact-finding tour of Cartagena. — Dennis Miller Berries Copy Share Image
The average Americans day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charless dart board. — Dennis Miller Funny Copy Share Image
Al Gore couldn't be more phony if he were a professional Al Gore impersonator — Dennis Miller Al gore Copy Share Image
The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt. — Dennis Miller Aids Copy Share Image
Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways. — Dennis Miller Child Copy Share Image
Any time your parent says they party with you, that is its own form of child abuse. — Dennis Miller Abuse Copy Share Image
Now let me get this straight. Bush is anti-abortion, but pro-death penalty. I guess it's all in the timing, huh? — Dennis Miller Abortion Copy Share Image
I don't know about you, but in my neighborhood, they just opened a Starbucks... IN A STARBUCKS!!! — Dennis Miller Coffee Copy Share Image
And by the way, my belief is that if men were the ones getting pregnant, abortions would be easier to get than… — Dennis Miller Abortion Copy Share Image
The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for… — Dennis Miller Citizens Copy Share Image
Democratic candidate John Kerry on Tuesday chose fellow Senator John Edwards to be his running mate. Asked about Edwards' lack of foreign… — Dennis Miller Campaigns Copy Share Image
The next time you get the urge to shut somebody up because they don't see the world exactly the same way you… — Dennis Miller Amendments Copy Share Image
There's no doubt about it, show business lures the people who didn't get enough love, attention, or approval early in life and… — Dennis Miller Approval Copy Share Image
The claim that somehow raw foods give you better energy, are more healthful, improve your immune system and all of that is… — Dennis Miller Claims Copy Share Image
Somebody can say they don't understand why somebody drifts. But I've always found people who drift interesting, 'cause it shows me the… — Dennis Miller Always Copy Share Image
I'm left on a lot of things. If two gay guys want to get married, I could care less. If a nut… — Dennis Miller Blow Copy Share Image
With Browns' ticket prices what they are, you just know that all those dads who brought the entire family to sit in… — Dennis Miller Blood Copy Share Image
Seems to me we move the furniture, the French come in later and put the doilies on top of it...It's a simple… — Dennis Miller Dirty Copy Share Image
Only man is a narcissistic enough species to think that a highly evolved alien life force would travel across billions and billions… — Dennis Miller Alien Copy Share Image
The good thing about Pittsburgh, it's a good place to be raised... it doesn't tolerate assholes. You're either a good guy or… — Dennis Miller Bad guy Copy Share Image
America was founded by puritans and like it or not the anti-pleasure dogma of those buckled-shoed killjoys still pervades our collective unconscious… — Dennis Miller America Copy Share Image
It's a cocktail-party circuit in D.C., That guy who couldn't master the guitar and get in a band and get laid, he… — Dennis Miller Band Copy Share Image
[The Internet] ... is an amazing communications tool that's bringing the whole world together. I mean, you sit down to sign on… — Dennis Miller America Copy Share Image
I don't know what I think of George W. Bush when he first got in, but I've grown fond of the man,… — Dennis Miller Care Copy Share Image
You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven. — Dennis Miller Eating Copy Share Image
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it… — Dennis Miller Humorous-quotes Copy Share Image
Concussion? How the hell can they tell? They're *football* players, for chrissakes! — Dennis Miller Concussion Copy Share Image
I have a nice house. And when somebody says it's a palace, I always feel like we're digging a little or something. — Dennis Miller Digging Copy Share Image
The punt returner got smacked like Nancy Kerrigan's knee on souvenir pipe night. — Dennis Miller Football Copy Share Image
![“It's a cocktail-party circuit in D.C., That guy who couldn't master the guitar and get in a band and get laid, he ends up there. Gary Condit make sense to me. He's away from his family, he's in D.C. - if he was a car dealer in the [San Fernando] Valley somewhere out there, he'd be the guy who was…” quote by Dennis Miller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/058/dennis-miller-1315_band_it-s-a-cocktail-party-circuit-in-d-c-tha_2538646.jpg)
![“[The Internet] ... is an amazing communications tool that's bringing the whole world together. I mean, you sit down to sign on to America Online in your hometown, and it's just staggering to think that at the same moment, halfway around the world, in China, someone you've never met is sitting at…” quote by Dennis Miller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/a02/dennis-miller-1315_america_the-internet-is-an-amazing-communication_3028391.jpg)
