Any time your parent says they party with you, that is its own form of child abuse. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
A recent conversation: Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing! Cheney: That's the second hand, George. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
The quarterback's spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I've changed after 9/11. My friends are still my friends.Bill Maher is my friend. I don't agree with a lot of what… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Why should I hate someone on the basis of their religion, when I can take a little time to get to know… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Technology is fine. . ., but that popular vision of the future, where you plug somebody in and leave them there and… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Big deal, so he scored. The last time I saw someone dance like that I had to pay her $20 and have… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
The next time you get the urge to shut somebody up because they don't see the world exactly the same way you… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Now, personally, I am baffled by the concept of racial prejudice. Why hate someone based on the color of their skin when,… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I come from that earlier time in America when palm pilot was a nickname you recieved upon entering puberty! I was more… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
And finally, and most importantly, the next time we go to war, don't give a specific reason for the war that the… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
For the foreseeable future, we're going to need oil products because I don't like the idea of hydrogen cars. I'm not sure… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I don't know what I think of George W. Bush when he first got in, but I've grown fond of the man,… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
The very definition of the innate hollowness of leading a political life when you end up on your nearest and dearest moments… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Laughter is one of the great beacons in life because we don't refract it by gunning it through our intellectual prism. What makes us… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
It takes zero politically correct people to screw in a lightbulb because they are perpetually in the dark. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Drop the veneer periodically and be like "OK, I'm an imperfect human. Let's try to get through this." — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I'm left on a lot of things. If two gay guys want to get married, I could care less. If a nut case from… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
American's could be any more self absorbed if they were made of equal parts water and paper towel. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Nowadays, with history not being taught anymore in American public schools, self-esteem is taking its place. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I think abortion's wrong, but it's none of my business to tell somebody what's wrong, he said. So I'm pro-choice. I want to keep… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Americans stick their nose where it doesn't belong more than Cyrano de Bergerac giving head. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Dennis Kucinich's politics are more scrambled than Rod Steiger's dream journal. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Somebody call Janet Reno - I think I just saw Donato dragging Doug Flutie into a locker room closet! — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I have sympathy for any human being that's driven by their limbic part of their brain. We all know that exists in a person. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
