I'm left on a lot of things. If two gay guys want to get married, I could care less. If a nut… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
American's could be any more self absorbed if they were made of equal parts water and paper towel. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
If I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
By and large, I think it should be a rule in the teacher employment manual that you can't go attend any event… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
In regards to Oral Roberts' claim that God told him that he would die unless he received $20 million by March, God's… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Now, personally, I am baffled by the concept of racial prejudice. Why hate someone based on the color of their skin when,… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
The White House again refused to turn over discussions Vice President Cheney had with Enron officials over energy policy. Cheney said if… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
If Bill Gates is worth $30 billion then a good haircut must cost $31 billion — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I love this country for several reasons, not the least of which is that I know I'm allowed to hate it if… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
If some unemployed punk in New Jersey, can get a cassette to make love to Elle McPherson for $19.95, this virtual reality… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to 35 and your job still requires you wear a nametag, you've… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Trends don't mean anything to me. If I like something, I'll do it. If I don't, I won't do it, and I… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
If you could use the Internet somehow to see how a Fiji sailor is doing, rather than having to read a text… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I don't know what I think of George W. Bush when he first got in, but I've grown fond of the man,… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
If I want low-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate. If I want high-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate again. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Seems to me we move the furniture, the French come in later and put the doilies on top of it...It's a simple… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Then people ask me if I'm worried about the effects of global warming on my kids. Well, obviously I love my kids… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Yeah, this country's founding fathers are a bunch of dead rich white men, but they did set things up so you could… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Al Gore couldn't be more phony if he were a professional Al Gore impersonator — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
It's a cocktail-party circuit in D.C., That guy who couldn't master the guitar and get in a band and get laid, he… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
If somebody wants to shoot up and die in front of you, more power to them. The herd has a way of… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
The Nazi signs have got to stop. If you're in a peace march and the guy next to you has a sign… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Wouldn't it be great if all of Osama bin Laden's money was tied up in Enron stock? — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
If you're a man and you have big tits, don't wear a tight T-shirt, okay? It confuses the children! — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Laughter is one of the great beacons in life because we don't refract it by gunning it through our intellectual prism. What makes us… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
It takes zero politically correct people to screw in a lightbulb because they are perpetually in the dark. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Drop the veneer periodically and be like "OK, I'm an imperfect human. Let's try to get through this." — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I'm left on a lot of things. If two gay guys want to get married, I could care less. If a nut case from… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
American's could be any more self absorbed if they were made of equal parts water and paper towel. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Nowadays, with history not being taught anymore in American public schools, self-esteem is taking its place. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I think abortion's wrong, but it's none of my business to tell somebody what's wrong, he said. So I'm pro-choice. I want to keep… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Americans stick their nose where it doesn't belong more than Cyrano de Bergerac giving head. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Dennis Kucinich's politics are more scrambled than Rod Steiger's dream journal. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Somebody call Janet Reno - I think I just saw Donato dragging Doug Flutie into a locker room closet! — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I have sympathy for any human being that's driven by their limbic part of their brain. We all know that exists in a person. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
